Masturbation…
Okay.. I was an early wanker. I was 10..
I remember the first time it added up to something.. my parents, and a couple that were friends with them were sitting on the back patio near the pool.
The couple, had with them their daughter.. she was older than me.. maybe 14??
I peeked out my window.. at her body wet with pool water.. and went to rubbin’ one out.
When something “happened” I was astonished!
For the next 5 or 6 years, (okay 10 .. 10 fucking years) I wanked at least once a day! (That’s a lot of pullin’ pork!)
I wish I could remember her name? Is that strange? I somehow feel a little empty, not knowing the name of the girl who I had my first nut to.
Now.. hell .. I just don’t have the interest.
Perhaps it is because I wanked SOOOOOOOO much when I was younger?
I admit I grind one out on rare occasion.. usually to some good quality internet porn.. but it is only a couple of times a year.
I had a friend who posted an article to his website.. stating all of the places and ways he had beat his beef into submission..
I thought I had a twisted history of man-handling myself.. this fucker wanked in an airplane! On a bus.. in a house, with a mouse, he wanked here and there, he pulled his stuff damn-near everywhere!
So anyone got a few good stories?
Nix was masturbated by a complete stranger.. I was once.. in a fast food restaurant.. by the girl working the window! She did more than bring my fires out to me that day!
How’s that for service!
(before any of you buggers has a hissy.. it was the end of her shift.. so she did not handle food after pounding the gopher for me!)
C-YA!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Intelligent design vs Evolution.. sorta.
With Inteligent Design at the top of everyone's mind, I thought I would re-run these two posts.. I am sure that you will find a point of view that you agree with in one of the two.. or maybe not.
However, I believe that either of the two theories offered below has as much validity as any other that is or will be taught in public shcools, now or in the foreseeable future.
As such, I feel that it is each adn every one of you's duties, to demand that they are both taught in the public shcools her ein the good ol' U.S. of A.
Once upon a time, there was an extremely intelligent species of being from a planet far far away.. while exploring the galaxy, they stopped at this little planet, three planets out from a small yellow star, in the lower left hand corner of their map.. the planet was nice, it had abundant water, and plants and animals, but no truly intelligent beings.. so the aliens being the highly intelligent beings that they were decided, that they would create man.
Man was created by using the DNA of a chimpanzee, a pinch of salt, and something that the Alien Lt. Grock, made in his galactic still..
Man was made, and for years, the aliens used man as their favorite pets, while they were here on Earth.. then after a while, the aliens had to get about exploring the rest of he galaxy and left.. taking all of their pets with them.. except a couple that had escaped from the starship Eden.. These two naughty little 90% monkeys were called Adam and Eve.. Adam Chimpman and Eve Chimpman were very naughty.. and bred.. they had a son named Cain and one named Able.. Cain killed Able, and that should have been the end of the story.. but it was not.. seems that one Alien missed is pet monkey enough to try and come back and look for him.. he searched and searched for Adam.. but while searching his other monkeys ran away.. as the Master alien was not very nice, and liked to swat his monkey’s on the nose with a news paper whenever they made “mess” in the spaceship.. so the population of earth went from Adam and Eve and Cain to Adam, Eve, Cain, Spot, Fiddo, Fluffy, and Miss Mittens.. and Adam begot Miss Mittens, and Eve Begot Spot to get even and Fiddo Begot Cain, and Fluffy and Miss Mittens and tried to Begot Adam too, but Adam was “not that way” and Eve and Adam made up and begot each other, and their sons and daughters begot the offspring of the others and the next thing you know there were nearly 2 billion Chinese.
Later about year 1 the master sent his son to go check on the monkeys.. and the rest is biblical history.
-----
Alternately once upon a time..
Once upon a time, there was a planet named Earth.. earth had everything a home could require.. food, water, air.. you know all the regular stuff..
It also had a species of being that had ascended from Monkeys named Neanderthal.
Neanderthal was very intelligent for a monkey.. and life was good for him..
Then one day a group of beings from outerspace on a three hour tour crashed landed here on planet earth..
There was the Skipper
The First Mate
The Millionare
And his Wife
The Movie Star
The Professor
And Marry Anne..
And they were confused and dumbfounded by Neanderthal..
They had many zany adventurers, where the Neanderthals would run away with the Movie star and Mary Anne and make “zub-zub” in a nearby cave..
Being that they (the two races) were both descendants of an earlier Space Traveling Monkey Race they made babies..
and ecause Neanderthal had a better moral compass than anyone of the seven he decided that in the spirit of doing the right thing, he would marry Young Mary Anne, who he really had the hots for even though the Movie Star was the more "Sexed" of the two..
And everything went smashingly.. until the Australopithecines showed up at the reception and after drinking too much Cocoanut beer that the professor brewed up, from the open bar started to argue and fight with the other guests.
But after a while the leader of the Australopithecines a big ugly one named Humphrey passed out and the rest of the night was spent dancing and mary making to the sounds of Cool and the Gang.
Fast forward a few 10’s of thousands of years and you have today.. I am sure that we can all see the traits of those seven stranded castaways in our friends and relatives.. its just too bad we did not get rid of our creepy monkey eyes along the way..
Get "THE" book on I.D. here
For another version of the ID theory see
Slarty Bartfast has never been so close to superfame!.. not even with the Fjord Award.
inteligent design
intelligent design
evolution
of pandas and people
However, I believe that either of the two theories offered below has as much validity as any other that is or will be taught in public shcools, now or in the foreseeable future.
As such, I feel that it is each adn every one of you's duties, to demand that they are both taught in the public shcools her ein the good ol' U.S. of A.
Once upon a time, there was an extremely intelligent species of being from a planet far far away.. while exploring the galaxy, they stopped at this little planet, three planets out from a small yellow star, in the lower left hand corner of their map.. the planet was nice, it had abundant water, and plants and animals, but no truly intelligent beings.. so the aliens being the highly intelligent beings that they were decided, that they would create man.
Man was created by using the DNA of a chimpanzee, a pinch of salt, and something that the Alien Lt. Grock, made in his galactic still..
Man was made, and for years, the aliens used man as their favorite pets, while they were here on Earth.. then after a while, the aliens had to get about exploring the rest of he galaxy and left.. taking all of their pets with them.. except a couple that had escaped from the starship Eden.. These two naughty little 90% monkeys were called Adam and Eve.. Adam Chimpman and Eve Chimpman were very naughty.. and bred.. they had a son named Cain and one named Able.. Cain killed Able, and that should have been the end of the story.. but it was not.. seems that one Alien missed is pet monkey enough to try and come back and look for him.. he searched and searched for Adam.. but while searching his other monkeys ran away.. as the Master alien was not very nice, and liked to swat his monkey’s on the nose with a news paper whenever they made “mess” in the spaceship.. so the population of earth went from Adam and Eve and Cain to Adam, Eve, Cain, Spot, Fiddo, Fluffy, and Miss Mittens.. and Adam begot Miss Mittens, and Eve Begot Spot to get even and Fiddo Begot Cain, and Fluffy and Miss Mittens and tried to Begot Adam too, but Adam was “not that way” and Eve and Adam made up and begot each other, and their sons and daughters begot the offspring of the others and the next thing you know there were nearly 2 billion Chinese.
Later about year 1 the master sent his son to go check on the monkeys.. and the rest is biblical history.
-----
Alternately once upon a time..
Once upon a time, there was a planet named Earth.. earth had everything a home could require.. food, water, air.. you know all the regular stuff..
It also had a species of being that had ascended from Monkeys named Neanderthal.
Neanderthal was very intelligent for a monkey.. and life was good for him..
Then one day a group of beings from outerspace on a three hour tour crashed landed here on planet earth..
There was the Skipper
The First Mate
The Millionare
And his Wife
The Movie Star
The Professor
And Marry Anne..
And they were confused and dumbfounded by Neanderthal..
They had many zany adventurers, where the Neanderthals would run away with the Movie star and Mary Anne and make “zub-zub” in a nearby cave..
Being that they (the two races) were both descendants of an earlier Space Traveling Monkey Race they made babies..
and ecause Neanderthal had a better moral compass than anyone of the seven he decided that in the spirit of doing the right thing, he would marry Young Mary Anne, who he really had the hots for even though the Movie Star was the more "Sexed" of the two..
And everything went smashingly.. until the Australopithecines showed up at the reception and after drinking too much Cocoanut beer that the professor brewed up, from the open bar started to argue and fight with the other guests.
But after a while the leader of the Australopithecines a big ugly one named Humphrey passed out and the rest of the night was spent dancing and mary making to the sounds of Cool and the Gang.
Fast forward a few 10’s of thousands of years and you have today.. I am sure that we can all see the traits of those seven stranded castaways in our friends and relatives.. its just too bad we did not get rid of our creepy monkey eyes along the way..
Get "THE" book on I.D. here
For another version of the ID theory see
Slarty Bartfast has never been so close to superfame!.. not even with the Fjord Award.
inteligent design
intelligent design
evolution
of pandas and people
Thursday, December 22, 2005
HEy found another one!
I have a friend.. yes I have one.
I lost touch with him in the summer, when his job was cut (due to the need to pay for the gulf war)
So he has had a couple of minor meical things.. I was worried.. but like the dick that I am I put off contacting him, even though I knew his email would soon be no good.. so I send an email.. it bounces back. I say I am going to call.. I do not for a while.. when I do disconnected! FUCK!!!!
Then yesterday I recieved a christmas card from him.. he is in Nome Alaska. I sent him an email this morning, he sent one back..
He is doing well has a big important job.. (he's a psycologist.. but about the best human being I know.. not that those are opposed conditions.. being human being psycologist..) It is just htat he is brilliant, and still so kind.. most brilliant and well educated people I know are well wropped un in themselves.. not that they are bad people, but that they do nto go out of their way to let you know they care about you.. he is perhpas the most caring soul I have ever met.. )
(I think he likes me , because I am 50% caring, 50% dickhead.)
But I digress..
This year end has been a wonderful one, for finding lost friends. Persons lost are found, all are well.. what more could you ask for than to know that the poeple you love, are doing okay?
Shit, I am getting ve'clempt. (sp)
You know Nix old buddy old pal, maybe life isn;t just a big shit sandwich?
As long as you keep those you love close?
Hell Nix give yorself a hug from me.
(not a gay hug though, that's just creepy)
And for my other lost and now found friends.. I really do love you all.. I even lust for oen or two.. (you know who you are). Thank you, for making this a christmas that does not suck!
Or Saturnalia.. You know this is the first year I have said I am celebrating Saturnalia, maybe that's the trick.
Festuvus last year was a real drag.. well after the bearing of grivences that is.
So could an Anchient Roman God be the source for my good fortune? Hey C where is Satrun ? Wonder if it is in my house?
As long as I don't have a saturn in my garrage, life is good.
Kisses and hugs to all.. and if you are really good looking (and you know who you are) kisses in all those special places for you.. :-*
Look to Wikepedia for Saturnalia.
Happy Saturnalia to all and to all a good night.
I lost touch with him in the summer, when his job was cut (due to the need to pay for the gulf war)
So he has had a couple of minor meical things.. I was worried.. but like the dick that I am I put off contacting him, even though I knew his email would soon be no good.. so I send an email.. it bounces back. I say I am going to call.. I do not for a while.. when I do disconnected! FUCK!!!!
Then yesterday I recieved a christmas card from him.. he is in Nome Alaska. I sent him an email this morning, he sent one back..
He is doing well has a big important job.. (he's a psycologist.. but about the best human being I know.. not that those are opposed conditions.. being human being psycologist..) It is just htat he is brilliant, and still so kind.. most brilliant and well educated people I know are well wropped un in themselves.. not that they are bad people, but that they do nto go out of their way to let you know they care about you.. he is perhpas the most caring soul I have ever met.. )
(I think he likes me , because I am 50% caring, 50% dickhead.)
But I digress..
This year end has been a wonderful one, for finding lost friends. Persons lost are found, all are well.. what more could you ask for than to know that the poeple you love, are doing okay?
Shit, I am getting ve'clempt. (sp)
You know Nix old buddy old pal, maybe life isn;t just a big shit sandwich?
As long as you keep those you love close?
Hell Nix give yorself a hug from me.
(not a gay hug though, that's just creepy)
And for my other lost and now found friends.. I really do love you all.. I even lust for oen or two.. (you know who you are). Thank you, for making this a christmas that does not suck!
Or Saturnalia.. You know this is the first year I have said I am celebrating Saturnalia, maybe that's the trick.
Festuvus last year was a real drag.. well after the bearing of grivences that is.
So could an Anchient Roman God be the source for my good fortune? Hey C where is Satrun ? Wonder if it is in my house?
As long as I don't have a saturn in my garrage, life is good.
Kisses and hugs to all.. and if you are really good looking (and you know who you are) kisses in all those special places for you.. :-*
Look to Wikepedia for Saturnalia.
Happy Saturnalia to all and to all a good night.
Forgive me father for I have sinned..
Forgive me father for I have sinned.. it has been (um hm) years since my last confession..
Oh I so want to tell you all a story.. on of mystery, intrigue, and sex… but honestly the person I would be talking about may read this blog, and would shoot me for thinking such naughty things about her. (or maybe not..)
As promised, this will be about soul mates..
I am not sure I get the whole soul mate thing.. I think really all you need is someone that appreciates you for who you are, and will love you , even if you never change. You in turn need to love that person, and hope that they never change a thing..
Too many times I have seen people “fall in love” and then go about trying to change all sorts of shit about the other person. Well I got news, you do not love that person, you love your ideal of what that person could be, and it is not fair.. and quite frankly it sucks, if you are the person who is always being told you need to change this that and the other thing.
I actually believe, that it is the person who is always suggesting that the other needs to change that is looking for change in themselves. It is just easier to hate something in someone else, than to accept that there are parts of you that you do not like.
(I will leave the case in point to your imaginations)
Secondly, if there is something about someone , you cannot “live with” tell the right away! Don’t wait 6 years to bring it up.. and then bail on them when they cannot change that part of themselves without effecting other things that you like..
People (and their spiritual/emotional make-ups) are like an open bowl of liquid. If you alter one part, all parts are subtly changed. It is when you can say to yourself, that this person needs not to change, that they are as perfect as they can be and as close to perfection as I want them to be, that you can love them. For change one thing, take one speck of debris off of the surface, and the whole being is affected by the ripples.
I have heard that in order to love, you must first love yourself, this could be the reason why. I have seen way too many times when one part of a couple were so unhappy with themselves, that they tried to change their partner, to better reflect the perfection that they themselves could not attain.
“To thine own self be true…”
makes sense in this context.
True Love: Yes, I believe it is obtainable, but both partners must be capable of the experience for either to have it. (For any duration) So if like me, love has always been at arms length, look first inwardly, then outwardly, and understand that it is not all your fault when shit falls apart.. unless of course you are a dick.. then well .. you got what you had coming.. (not really)
Dicks need love too.
Shit, I have officially run out of time to talk with you.. so nuff for now.. Yabbos yabbos…
Oh I so want to tell you all a story.. on of mystery, intrigue, and sex… but honestly the person I would be talking about may read this blog, and would shoot me for thinking such naughty things about her. (or maybe not..)
As promised, this will be about soul mates..
I am not sure I get the whole soul mate thing.. I think really all you need is someone that appreciates you for who you are, and will love you , even if you never change. You in turn need to love that person, and hope that they never change a thing..
Too many times I have seen people “fall in love” and then go about trying to change all sorts of shit about the other person. Well I got news, you do not love that person, you love your ideal of what that person could be, and it is not fair.. and quite frankly it sucks, if you are the person who is always being told you need to change this that and the other thing.
I actually believe, that it is the person who is always suggesting that the other needs to change that is looking for change in themselves. It is just easier to hate something in someone else, than to accept that there are parts of you that you do not like.
(I will leave the case in point to your imaginations)
Secondly, if there is something about someone , you cannot “live with” tell the right away! Don’t wait 6 years to bring it up.. and then bail on them when they cannot change that part of themselves without effecting other things that you like..
People (and their spiritual/emotional make-ups) are like an open bowl of liquid. If you alter one part, all parts are subtly changed. It is when you can say to yourself, that this person needs not to change, that they are as perfect as they can be and as close to perfection as I want them to be, that you can love them. For change one thing, take one speck of debris off of the surface, and the whole being is affected by the ripples.
I have heard that in order to love, you must first love yourself, this could be the reason why. I have seen way too many times when one part of a couple were so unhappy with themselves, that they tried to change their partner, to better reflect the perfection that they themselves could not attain.
“To thine own self be true…”
makes sense in this context.
True Love: Yes, I believe it is obtainable, but both partners must be capable of the experience for either to have it. (For any duration) So if like me, love has always been at arms length, look first inwardly, then outwardly, and understand that it is not all your fault when shit falls apart.. unless of course you are a dick.. then well .. you got what you had coming.. (not really)
Dicks need love too.
Shit, I have officially run out of time to talk with you.. so nuff for now.. Yabbos yabbos…
interesting stats.. Reena Vasquez is #1 kinda.
my most popular post so far..
Random thoughts random spellings (Reviews of life): Where in the world is Daphne Teo.. hanging with carmen diego? And Hottest bloggerette update
The number one search term that people find this blog from google..
"Reena Vasquez"
Second most popular
"Reena Vasquez naked" (with or without the word "photos")
You people are perverts.. and I am damn glad to know ya!
Does Reena Vasquez have nekkid pictures out there on the web?
Not that I want to see them, it would be for purely scientific purposes, should on of you post a link to them in the comments,and I happen to go look at them..
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