WTF?!?! Why I hate slow days at work..

today is so fucking slow.. I have all this time to reflect on things that were fucked up by my past.. damn I hate that.

I am not so much sorry for anything I have done in my past, but I do regret sometimes where I am now.. and as a kick in the nuts my mind wanders to the Butterfly effect.. how one thing effects another, and another and another.. and you can never really know what action will change the rest of you life.

I am where I am, and I got here on a path of self righteousness, indignation, self pity and manslaughter.. (okay I threw manslaughter in for dramatic effect..) but I can’t help but think, what if I had done x instead of Y?
What if I had told Maria DelGato how I felt about her in 11th grade? Would she have laughed at me and scorned my love? Would we have married, divorced and now hate each other every year for the holidays? Or would she have just been another one of the endless 90 day relationships that marked my young adulthood.. and now gives me some really erotic memories to savor in my old age.
Our whole lives are just an endless drive that you take alone.. okay that was a Lyric.. lets try again..
Life is a long chain of events, each linking to the next, it is the problem inherent in linier time, now ay to turn right or left from the path, the path is what it is.
Time should be more fluid, flowing backwards and forwards, like a tide. Who knows maybe it is, but it moves on such a large scale that we just don't notice.
I read an interesting article about how when the universe starts to contract, time runs backward, then as it expands, we run through the same things all over again.
Good goddamn thing I don’t believe that.. if I had to do all this shit again and again for eternity, I may have to find away to slide across a few dimensions, until I came to the universe of pink marshmallows that taste like pussy.. and there I would stay. (wait a minute that is not that bad an idea.. note to self.. work on inter-dimensional travel.)

Wouldn't it be great if time did flow backwards and forwards, in an almost ground hogs day fashion. You could keep doing things over until you got them right. Then you move on forward in time, with as many re-dos as you need, to get it just right.
Wiat a tick.. maybe that is what happens? Maybe you repeat life until you achieve perfection then you simply vanish.. (oops stole that from Buddha)

Well I need a cigarette, and a nice cold beer, but because i still have a few hours of work to do, I will have to settle for just the beer.. boss hates smoking ya know.

Peace,
Pass it on.