How to Guarantee Success at Blogging. (In five or six or seven easy steps)

How to Guarantee Success at Blogging. (In five or six or seven easy steps)

(This from a complete raving lunatic!)

First, always write well, always use spell check and proper grammar is a must.

Second, try to write about something topical, and in the minds of the reading population. A few good examples would be Tammy NYP, Bush, Brrreeeport, Neo-Nazis, French Muslims going ape shit, or rampaging Islamic Asshole Fundamentalists throwing a hissy fit over a fucking cartoon. When you rub out of topics to write about, go to technorati and look to see what is currently being talked about. If you do not know what something is, you can either look it up using a service like the one provided at Wikipeadia or you can just make something up. Technorati will post the top ten or so topics, so write a nice story that has as many of those words in it ass possible.. but try to make it look like you know what your talking about.. example of bad topic cherry picking.

"Bush likes Sex", said Duke Lacrosse as he unzipped his Brrreeeport. I didn’t know you smoked Brrreeeports said Deb LaFaye as she slowly unbuttoned her Kaavya Viswanathan.
"my god what a huge set of Osama's Crusade in Darfur you have there Deb." said John Tierney: as he picked up his iPod made in Iran right next to Iraq in the Oil Fields of Alibaba and Baba Ganoush.

See that just reads like spam, and spam while a tasty treat when mixed with the blood of human infants is not a good thing for your readers.

Third, talk about topics that interest you, it is a lot easier to talk about something you are interested in, so try to pick a topic, that you would read about and write about that. A good example here, would be Sex, or Masturbation, or Floggin the Dolphin or taking nude photos of the underaged (looking) girl next door.

Fourth, Photographs and Video if you can offer the public a glimps at something that they can’t see anywhere else in the world, in photos or video you have a sure fire winner. Take for example Tammy NYP, had she posted her video to her own blog, she could have made a mint. If you can get photographic proof that your neighbor is having sex with Sasquach again.. instant success! Or even better, get your grandmother to video tape you using a video phone having sex with a bigfoot and BLAMO! You get more popular than Daphne Teo, Xaxaiue, Clapbangkiss chick, and Bruna Bianco all rolled up into one hot sweaty chocolate covered wet tee shirt.

Fifth Swear like a drunken sailor.. yep, people love to hear you speak in raw and vulgar tones.. so even if you are reporting about the Church Brunch last Sunday, throw in a few well placed MF’s and GD’s for flavor. Beter than that, is to pick somone real of ficticous nd pretend that you are swearing at them! It really doesnt matter, who it is, people love to see strife in other people's lives.. I once thought about making a myspace site, that had all sorts of cute adn cuddly animal pictures adn love poetry and all things sweet and nice, adn then coming back here adn calling myself degrading names.. only I would not tell my readers that I was calling myself a raggady assed fag whore.. (get it??) Springer got his popularity by flaunting other people's mostly whith trash's problems.. if you can pretend you are a crazy swearing piece of white beer drinking nascar watching trash.. you may just make a million!

Sixth (not quite last and not quite least) leave comments wherever you go, that include your blogs URL.. for example, Nix left me a message where he called me a “gotard”, which is better than the Goat fucker I called him.. so what did I do.. I posted a link to Nix and said something like.. to see the worlds tiniest penis fuckdiddling a sheep click here.

And finally, do something news worthy.. go eat a neighbor Jeffrey Dahlmer style , or write a cannibal cookbook, or talk about how you dream about roasting baby ducklings in their own mothers bile before feeding then to starving African children… just be unique or be a slut.. it really is all up to you.


And those my friends are the secrets to blog success as I see them..
Have a comment??
Go get stuffed.,

PS tags don't hurt either.. see technorati for info on how to make those.

Bush
Sex
Iraq
Iran
brrreeeport
Tammy NYP
Video
iPod
Apple
kaavya viswanathan
canibal cookbook
Duke Lacrosse
blogging
Technorati
myspace