scared...... An AVM Story.

this is not mine...

scared

I was just recently told i have an avm and have had an avm all my life. after all the tests they concluded it is 6cm by 3,2 cm large and its in the center of my left side of the brain. Ok fix it right was my first thought... i have seen 4 different surgeons in the past 2 weeks yesterdays visit was the worse :( and most upsetting day of my life. I went to the university of Michigan, which is suppose to be the most advanced in brain work and avms in my area so i had some hope walking in.... when the surgeon walked in he had teary eyes to begin with i knew it wasnt going to be good :( a grown man looked me in the eyes crying and told me im sorry no one can help you... i guess he said they level out the avms mine would be a level or grade 5 not treatable he said he said won't treat it unless it bleeds.... he said if he did treat it now it could cause me to be paralyzed or to be in a vegetable state for the rest of my life.. he also said i am fertile but if i do make it to child baring years and get pregnant it will kill me, so within the month I will be being made infertile... he also told me i have an 85% chance of bleeding out and if not the 1st time the 2nd time i will die..I don't know what to do anymore or what to say im so scared and confused and lost i was soooo healthy before this all happened and now im planning my funeral :( He did give me one last hope he said there is a doctor in Paris i guess who deals with grade 5 AVMS has anyone heard of this doctor....?

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I know how she feels... since my second pop life is strange... I look back and really want to slap the guy who was me. I did not get it...

Funny thing is I still may not get it....
oh well.... time to go... gonna go lose my butt at party poker.... bye bye....