Saturday, October 18, 2008
and have a couple that pending their financing will buy too.... :)
There are no avm news... good luck!
so I will play a little youtube for you.
okay thats it....
Go buy something from a amazon Product Links person... it will make you feel great!
And it won't hurt him / her a bit.
Stevie Chick on Scarce's rocky road
Chick Graning knows about luck. The Knoxville-born singer-guitarist spent the late 1980s as a member of alt-rockers Anastasia Screamed, whom he met by chance on a bus shortly after moving to Boston. When that group ran aground, he moved to nearby Providence, Rhode Island, and formed Scarce, named after a Knoxville girl who had drunkenly driven her car off a cliff, almost killing her passenger - Graning himself.
One of the finest groups to surface during the post-Nirvana gold rush for underground American guitar-rock, Scarce seduced with venomously melodic riffing, tenderly bruised lyricism, and the boy-girl vocal interplay of Graning and bassist Joyce Raskin. Fresh off a successful European tour supporting Hole, Scarce retreated to Providence in summer 1995 and prepared for the release of their darkly brilliant debut album, Deadsexy.
"And that's when I had the aneurysm," remembers Graning, matter of factly.
Scarce had been due to rehearse on June 12 1995. But when Graning didn't show up and failed to answer a number of increasingly panicked phonecalls from Raskin, she drove to his apartment with drummer Joe Propatier (who'd joined only two days previously), and found her bandmate lying unconscious in a pool of his own blood.
"I woke up in hospital 18 days later," Graning says. "The nurses said I had an AVM, an arteriovenous malformation. It's congenital - a vein and an artery in the brain share a common wall, and when that goes, generally, you die. I was lucky to be found when I was having the aneurysm; Joe and Joyce saved my life."
Scarce's label, A&M, postponed Deadsexy's release until a year later, scuppering the momentum they'd already built. Raskin and Propatier rallied around Graning, performing acoustic gigs and arranging benefit shows to buy him a computer. In the meantime, the recovering Graning discovered the aneurysm had scrubbed his lyrics from his memory, so he relearned them all from the album sleeve.
Six months after the AVM, Scarce were back on the road. "But I was kinda numb," sighs Graning. "I was an emotional flatline for a couple of years - that's what the brain stuff will do to you."
"When Chick came back," says Raskin, "everyone wanted to say 'Oh look, it's a miracle!' But nobody - myself included - remembered that he'd almost died, and maybe he needed some time off. The label wanted the album out as soon as possible. It was very hard, because Chick always made the group's decisions. All of a sudden, I had to grow up, and I couldn't handle the pressure. I was only 24! My best friend had almost died!"
The group split late in 1997, after a series of miserable tours "doing circles in the midwest, playing to no one". Graning spent the next 10 years pursuing a low-key solo career and working as a stagehand to make rent. Raskin suffered a breakdown and moved back home with her parents, where she began writing about her experience in Scarce and her struggles with self-confidence. Aching to Be, her emotional autobiography, was published last year.
"At first, the writing felt like vomiting," she laughs. "It made me ill to go through it all again. But once it was finished, I didn't feel desperate any more." Upon the book's completion, Raskin called Graning for the first time in several years "to apologise as much as anything else. And we picked up right where we left off."
Their friendship rekindled, Graning and Raskin have reformed Scarce with drummer Propatier, and have recorded a batch of songs every bit as hauntingly, brilliantly off-kilter as Deadsexy, which they intend to sell over the internet. It's a surprisingly happy ending for a group so cursed with bad luck.
"The disappointment of Scarce was something I had to chew on for a decade," admits Graning. "But what can you do when something like that happens? It's so awful that it's funny. Like Charlie Chaplin fallin' off a piano, out a window and bouncing off a buggy across the street-type funny. You can't give into self-pity. You just gotta keep on truckin'."
• Scarce play the Islington Academy, London, on Sat 18th Oct
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Greetings to all this evening!
How is everyone? Well, I've had quite a day I thought I would share! I still can't believe what happened myself! So, it all started this morning right after I got to work! My co-worker Kathy had been out last week, just as I had, and wasn't in yet this morning - and our Supervisor Mr. Jay Rios was about to leave for a meeting @ the main office - so I needed to go down the hall and leave the phones @ my desk while I did what I needed to. I was rushing, so I could get back, when I tripped over my own shoes, just for being in a hurry! I fell forward and kept hoping I could catch myself before doing too much damage! No such luck! I'm guessing when I fell forward or from the stumble, my right big toe jammed to the end of my shoe and is now hurting! I ended up bumping into the wall, then falling backwards where I hit my knee and then landed on my behind and then on my back! Luckily, @ this time of the morning, many of my co-workers were going about their morning routines and saw what had happened to me! I know there was a man down the hall that asked if I was ok, and I remember saying, "I don't know"! and moaning in pain (and shock)! The next person I remember seeing was Connie Morgan from the IT department! I know she had a very concerned look on her face and ran to grab a handful of paper towels after telling me I was bleeding! I had a feeling that would be happening! From the impact of the fall, I started bleeding from the wound on my face. For those of you new to my blog - I have an AVM (arterial venous malformation)that I have to constantly be looking after! PLEASE VISIT MY FRIEND SHALON WHITGOBS WEB SITE FOR LOTS OF GREAT MEDICAL INFORMATION ON AVMS! YOU CAN GET TO HER SITE FROM MINE, OR GO TO: http://sites.google.com/site/shalonsavm/Home. I remember my co-worker Roland asking whether I needed help getting up off the floor. People were asking me what they could do to help - I said to no one in particular, that I needed my medical bag that was in my desk area. Immediately, my co-worker Gina McMillan ran to my desk and got my 2 totebags. I got up, took the totebags and told everyone I would be ok - I just needed to get the bleeding under control by putting pressure on the wound site. I met Martha Sanchez from Risk Management that is a sweetheart! She told me not to be concerned @ all about the bloody mess on the floor - she was calling housekeeping or someone to come clean up! I want to make sure you know that the bleeding came from the impact of my fall, but not because I actually hit the area of my face or anything. I knew when I hit the floor that hard, that I would probably have a bleed from the wound area.
My co-worker Ray Rodela was very concerned and kept asking what he could do to help. He's always told me if I ever need him to cover the phones while I need to go down the hall, he is more than willing to help! Another co-worker, Kim Escamilla came to the bathroom to check on me, and make sure I didn't need any help getting the bleeding stopped. Grace Garcia, my co-worker kept asking whether I was dizzy or needed to go home. Even the tall, young man that works down the hall came to the bathroom door to ask if I was ok! Gina took over answering the phones until I could get back to my desk, thanks so much! We have a great team of people @ Court Services Supervised by Mr. Jay Rios!
I just wanted to take this time to thank all of you for being so great in my time of need! I know now that I have nothing to worry about should this have been an actual emergency! I think it was Connie Morgan that asked if I needed her to call 911. She came in to my department later in the day to check on me. Martha Sanchez really made me feel better talking to me about some of the things going on in her life medical wise. Of course I filled out a workmans comp. form for my protection - but I think I'll be fine! Thank you so much everyone on the 3rd floor that came to my rescue - I am very impressed with how everyone came together to help!!! Normally when I have a "bleed" @ work, my friend and co-worker Diana Arredondo helps me redress the area, but she was @ the main office @ a meeting, so I was on my own this morning. I probably could have put something together from my wound care bag to cover the area, but I called my husband Mark to come help! After that darned fall, I really needed some TLC and the best one for that job is my amazing husband! He was over right away and got my wound area redressed! After a couple great hugs, I was good to go! I usually keep an extra t-shirt in the bag which I needed to change into after bleeding all over what I was wearing earlier!
A few years back I fell down @ work while I was working @ the main office, and I still have one of those walking casts (boots) - I'm wearing it now and think I'll wear it a while! At least it will slow me down some! Wish I had a photo to include of my co-workers, but I'll see what I can post for now! Thanks again everyone!
Oh! I happened to have taken Rulon w/me to work today, but already I'm being asked where Saba is! For those of you who don't know - Saba is my Therapy Build a Bear! She is named after one of the techs @ the Swedish Medical Center where I have my procedures for my avm! The real Saba is from Eastern Ethiopia and a doll!
P.S. The photo I've included, was taken outside the Whole Foods Mart in Englewood, CO! My sister Celia and I had gone for one of my treatments around this time last year and it was snowing!
Day 3 Prayer Focus - My Face
At this point, the right side of my face is still frozen. When I smile, only the left side of my mouth turns up. My right eyebrow and forehead remain still while my left eyebrow arches and the left side of my forehead wrinkles. Again, during the surgery, the choice to partially cut important nerves had to be made to remove the AVM and save my life. The intracranial nerves that control my facial movements, from my forehead to my chin, including my lips, tongue, and soft palate, are damaged to a degree where there is no real response at all, unlike some of the other damaged areas. There has been some tingling and even stinging a few times on the right side of my face, especially during the electrical stimulation therapy (electrodes are put on my face, as well as my throat during swallowing therapy), as well as some sensation returning to my soft palate. Apparently, the right side of my face has less droop than it used to, but that is hard for me to notice. Also, the inside of my right cheek is numb, like after a dentist appointment where novacaine was invovled, so it feels like I have a large chunk of chewing gum lodged there.
The hard thing about having a face messed up is that everyone knows that there is something wrong with me. If it were not for my face, then it would be difficult to tell what had happened to me. Also, the issues with my face and the affected nerves create major problems with my right eye and mouth, which greatly impairs my sight and my speech (see Days 4 and 5). Please pray that the right side of my face would wake up again.
Day 2 Prayer for SWALLOWING Follow-up:
Today during swallowing therapy, I gagged multiple times in response to the cold lemon swab rubbing the back of my throat, more times than I usually do (though there was still no response on the majority of right side rubs, while the left side almost always automatically gags). This is progress because it shows increased sensation in my throat with a corresponding reflex, both very important for swallowing. My next swallowing test will likely be next week on October 21 (6 months exactly since my AVM rupture), so please pray for more signs of progress!
Day 1 Prayer for WALKING Follow-up to the Follow-up:
Today in physical therapy, I walked the length of the breezeway 4 times (totaling over 100 yards)! Again, I had a good deal of assistance, with Jay in the front and a therapist in the back to steady me when I needed it and to give me verbal cues, but nonetheless, it was great progress. (see the picture on Caringbridge) This is also a great indicator of the strength and endurance I have gained since I have been here. Praise God!
Katherine, Jay, and James
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18from...
...and that's it...
It seems unreal the feed-back that some people get. Good for you, I say.
Today I go to work. We'll see how I do.
Wish me well!
No youtube today... I got things do due!
(Ha ha ha)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
British heavy metal vocalist Blaze Bayley (IRON MAIDEN, WOLFSBANE), whose wife, Debbie Hartland, died late last month after suffering a brain hemorrhage while in the hospital, has released the following statement:
"Thank you all for your support through this most difficult time.
"Some weeks before Debbie had her first brain hemorrhage, we were talking about what we would do if anything ever happened to the other partner. I don't really know why this came up, but perhaps it was something to do with the loss of her nephew, who a few weeks before was involved in a fatal road accident.
"'What am I supposed to do if anything happens to you?' She said. I had forgotten to take some medication for my blood pressure, prescribed by the doctor, and she was annoyed with me. In an argumentative way I said, 'And what am I supposed to do if anything happens to you?' I can see her in my mind so clearly now, as she stopped what she was doing and looked at me and said, 'What would you do if anything happened to me?'
"'Nothing,' I said, 'I would give up. There is no reason to live if you are not with me.' She looked at me, and smiled, the way she did when she knew that when I said I loved her I meant it.
"'No,' she said, 'I'd want you to carry on with your music.'
"A couple of weeks after that conversation Debbie was in a coma.
"The doctor told us that this brain haemorrhage could have been caused by an AVM, something that we as a family had never heard of before. It is an abnormality in the brain that you are born with and may never hurt you or it can strike you down.
"That brief casual conversation we had came to the front of my mind when I was faced with the decision of going away to do the concerts that Debbie had booked for me and the band. I could only think that she had really meant it when she said, 'I'd want you to carry on.' It was very hard to face being away from her while she was so ill. The first time was the day after it happened. Debbie was rushed into hospital on Sunday the 6th of July. The night before we were all at Twickenham with IRON MAIDEN. The gig was great. The backstage was free food and booze. I met loads of people I hadn't seen for years and Debbie made a lot of friends and contacts. We were telling everyone that the album would be out on Monday. When Monday came the world had changed. Debbie was in a coma in the neuro-critical care unit in hospital in Birmingham.
"Debbie had organized a signing for the band at HMV in Birmingham at 5pm. At this point only close family and the band knew what the situation was. The hospital was 15 minutes away from the signing. Debbie was critical but stable. I decided to try and make it to the signing and get back as soon as possible.
"That was one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life.
"The next thing she had planned was a promotional trip to Italy for me. Right up until the last minute, I was going, but then the evening before I had no choice but to pull out because Debbie had to have a surgery on her brain and there was a risk that she would not make it. I told Fulvio, my friend of many years and manager of the CLAIRVOYANTS band, who had organized the trip, what the situation was. As we waited for Debbie to come out of the surgery, then to come round from the anaesthetic, me and everyone else in the family, were camped out at the hospital and we were on edge. Occasionally I would go outside to check text messages and update the rest of my family on Debbie's situation. On the Sunday afternoon I had a text message from Fulvio in Italy. It said... festival canceled because of a terrible thunder and lightning storm. So, I thought, that trip that Debbie and me were looking forward to so much was never meant to happen.
"Debbie had two more operations on her brain, and one on her stomach for a special feeding tube called 'a peg,' but none of these coincided with any of the gigs she had booked for us. So I was able to leave her side for a few days at a time to do the shows she had planned for us. When these shows were done, I was able to spend most of my time with her at the hospital between visits from family and friends. The rest of the guys in the band continued to run things and carry on with Debbie's plan for the tour in 2009.
"About a week after Debbie's last brain surgery her condition seemed to improve in a small but significant way. Her periods of deep unresponsive coma seemed a little less and in the times when she seemed in a more wakeful state she seemed more awake than she had since the brain haemorrhage first happened. There were moments, seconds, of awareness, but I knew; I could see, that she was there trying to fight her way back to the world and back to me. The physiotherapist and occupational therapists showed me all the excises Debbie had to do to give us the best chance of keeping the movement and mobility in her limbs and her joints so as she gradually improved she would have more movement and less work to do with the physio. I did the exercises with her every day that I was at the hospital. I imagined her coming home. I imagined changing the house to make it easier for her to get about, and I imagined touring next year and hoping she would be well enough to come with us on a tour bus, and we could do her exercises and therapy around the gigs. I felt that if anyone could come back from this it was Debbie. I felt, I believed, that she was on her way back to me. The days seemed more hopeful.
"For me, every day she was alive was another day I was blessed. Every day she made even the tiniest improvement I was celebrating. I cried tears of joy on many occasions when we were doing our exercises. She could not talk or open her eyes and many of the movements she made were instinctive or involuntary, but there were also times when her movements were a direct response to a request. 'Wiggle your toes, Deb,' I asked and she could move the toes on her right foot. 'Squeeze my hand,' and she could squeeze my hand with her right hand. 'Open your hand,' and she could open it. 'Close your hand' and she could close it. 'Shake your head,' and the tiny movement of her head made me burst into tears. Her left side was difficult for her because that side seemed to have been the worst affected. The physio called it her weak side. As we continued every day to work on our movement, she even managed to make a very small movement with her left foot. Hardly anything but it was there, and it made me burst into tears of pride and happiness when she did it. At this time I was with her every night, beside her bed in a chair, watching her to make sure that she did not injure herself as she squirmed around in bed. Her right foot seemed to search for things she could feel with her toes. With her right hand she sometimes tried to pull out the tracheotomy breathing tube. Other times she would have a terrible choking cough and would have treatment from the nurse. These nights were painful and beautiful for me. Even though it was in circumstances that were terrible, I was spending each night with my wife. Around noon Deb's mum and dad or sister would come over to carry on watching over her and I would go home. I checked my email and every day we had messages of support from fans from every part of the world. I would talk over what was happening with band business with Nick and Dave and then try to get a little rest ready for the evening with Debbie.
"Just as things really seemed to be going our way, Debbie suffered a second huge brain haemorrhage. She had brain scans and was taken into intensive care. After this, we think, she suffered another smaller bleed in her brain. However much reality I was faced with I refused to accept that there was no hope for recovery. But when reality is a top consultant doctor, spelling out bit by bit the true magnitude of Debbie's condition, and when you are in his office with the people, who you have shared the hope, tears, and desperation of these days with you, and when you look at each other without needing words between you. Then it is no longer a case of fighting to keep hope alive, to stop the last shreds of hope being taken from you. But as the soft confident voice says the words that describe the condition of your loved one's brain, then hope is given up. Hope melts away. It is something so precious but without worldly value and it is replaced silently and cruelly by a desperate fatalistic feeling, that feeling enters the soul that, now, has no hope.
"Debbie fought on for two more nights. On the morning of the 27th of September at 10.05am Debbie passed away with her mother and me holding her and comforting her as she started her journey to next life, beyond this world of pain and suffering. In that moment my heart was broken.
"I was living only for her, because she had said those weeks before that she wanted me to carry on. Then I decided to try and do the Metieval Festival in Beverley near Hull. I had become ill since Debbie's passing and the doctor gave me what he could to try and help me keep my voice, and keep at bay the flu or chest infection or virus that I was coming down with. The gig was very difficult and I wondered if my voice would last to the end. The last song of the set was Debbie's song, 'While You Were Gone'. Somehow the sound on stage had cleared up and my voice had got some small amount of strength left and I managed to sing it for her. It was the first time we ever did the song live and for her not to be there to hear it, was again, very difficult.
"On Tuesday was the funeral; the biggest that the tiny parish church had seen in recent years. The most flowers the funeral people had ever had for any one they could remember. Everyone she ever met seemed to still be connected to her. If she had been their friend, even briefly, then people still seemed to feel that connection years later.
"On Friday there was a small private service. Debbie's ashes were placed in a private place where those of us who loved her can visit.
"I thank you for your support and friendship and loyalty through this time. It is my belief that in the worst of times, our true nature is revealed. My band have been unwavering in their support of Debbie and of me. My fans have made me humble with their generosity of spirit and their loyalty and understanding. I have lost the love of my life. I have lost my reason to live. But, because she asked me to continue to live, and to stay true to the path she worked so hard to make clear for me, I will continue. For her and for you, all of you that believed she was right to have faith in me, I will continue. For her memory and to honor her, I will continue."
go see the original post... leave a message.
Sometimes it seems like death would be esaer but then I read something like this.
No youtube... I just don't feel like it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thesee are 2 pictures of the AVM in Matt's brain just after the rupture in July. Notice the enlarged size of the blood vessels. The large lines that you see at the bottom of the 2nd image are the enlarged blood vessels, these should be the size of the little ones at the top of the same image. All of the dark that you see is the blood supply that is flowing through the vessels to the AVM and this amount of blood flow is what caused the AVM to rupture.
These are the 2 pictures of Matt's brain after the glue procedure. All of the dark spots that you see now is the glue. This causes the blood supply to redistribute to the other parts of the brain and not to feed the AVM. This decreases the chances of it rupturing again. The top image looks like a jellyfish. Matt had not seen these pictures until about a week ago and I had asked the doctor to send them to us so that he could see what was going on in his head. I thought these were some pretty amazing pictures. It is amazing what modern medicine can do and what an awesome God we serve, that he would bring Matt through all of this.
go pay him a visit.
My first day.... nobody came in.... so I can't really tell you how my pitch is.
but it did feel good to be out of the House.
no youtube today....