Friday, January 06, 2006

Go visit the fatman..

Why do I promote Fatman?
Is it because he is shapped roughly like I am?
Is it because he can leap tall buildings in a single bound?
Is it because when I stand next to him we look like a before and before picture?
It's cause is just fucking nutters!
So go see Fatman

Well Fatster, you own me one slathering shamless promotion.
(Fucking crazy bugger!)

Pat Robertson, loon, hate monger, domestic terrorist.

Well, ain’t that special.
Pat Robertson speaks... and grabs headlines again!(Somone should shut him up)

Pat Robertson said that Ariel Sharon’s stroke may have been an act of divine vengeance for dividing Israel.. (or words to that effect)

Again, if we listen to Pat Robertson we are forced to ask the age old question. WWJK?
(Who Would Jesus Kill?)

It may be time that Pat Robertson is “Taken out” no not in the sense of the term that was meant by him when talking about the President of Venezuela, but taken out, in a nice white coat that ties at the wrists in the back. With pretty buckles that go from buns to nape of neck.

Yes friends and Neighbors, I believe that God in his Devine wisdom has sent Pat Robertson to us, to first entertain us, and second, show up how dangerous the mind of a religious fanatic can be. Regardless of the color or religon of that fanatic.

Yep, I said it.. fanatic.. we (Americans and the rest of the world) saw on September 11th, 2001 how a religious fanatic can be brought to murder, by leaders who are also fanatics. I do not know for sure, how many people follow Pat Robertson, or even how many take him seriously, but as a person of common sense I have to see the parallels between Pat and the Mullahs and others that are bringing a small piece of the worlds Muslim population to a religious fervor that can and has lead to the murder of innocents.

Pat Robertson, you are not much more than a domestic terrorist, with your words of hate.
Go burn in Hell

Darkness Falls.. a quick and simple review :Part of the Dueling (banjo) Review Series

Here we are, I finally got to torture Nix as he had tortured me, Yes, ladies and gentlemen I made Nix watch "Darkness Falls" and I am damn near giddy with schoolgirl like self pride.

To see his, well written but totally inaccurate review, click here

Sure Nix is a legend in the Movie Review Circles.. but that does not make him right all of the time.. and after reading this latest installment, I can;t wait to see him shout from the mountain tops the wonders of "Brokeback mountain".
But enough putting poor Nixie, in his well deserved place.. on with my review of a Horror Classic in the making..

Darkness Falls.

Shitbilly Blick reporting:
I am short on time more than anything, so I will make this short and sweet.
Darkness Falls.. Hated by horror fans everywhere, misunderstood, and tossed under the bus without justification.

US Theatrical Release Date: January 24, 2003
MPAA:PG-13 for terror and horror images, and brief language.
Production Company: Blue Star Productions, Distant Corners Entertainment Group Inc., Revolution Studios, Village Roadshow Pictures
USA Box Office: $32 Million
Budget Estimate: $11 Million
Also Known As: Don't Peek / The Ghost of Matilda Dixon / The Tooth Fairy: The Ghost of Matilda Dixon / Tooth Fairy
Filming Locations: Australia Ballarat Street, Yarraville, Victoria, Australia Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia Maine, USA Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Sun Theatre, Yarraville, Victoria, Australia Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Sure you will see a PG-13 movie here, no real blood bath anywhere to be found. ala Quintin Terantino
That is one of the things that makes this movie "great" okay different.
The premise is simple.. a woman, a kindly woman nicknamed "The Tooth Fairy" for her habbit of giving good little boys and girls a gold coin for their baby teeth.. is killed wrongly for a murder she did not commit.. and her spirit is pissed!

Now upon loosing your last baby tooth, she comes.. if you see her.. she kills you.

But light can save you, and in the end does save all the cast.. of very sexy people.. don't you love horror movies.. not an ugly one in the bunch.. and never an intelligent one either.. I love how women always fall when running from the bad thing.. and cats always jump out at you, and if you are not supposed to go into somthing like darkenss.. your ass most asuridly will .. Horror Movies.. Suspend Beliefe, Suspend Intelligence, and enjoy the ride.

It has been called slow in the middle.. okay maybe it is.. Evil Dead a classic was creepy shit from start to finish.. if you want creepy from start to finish and bad production value see Evil Dead. (Still a great in my book BTW)
But if you want a movie, that gives you time to think and care about the characters before they are killed horribly.. (or not) , with excellent production value and a really creepy sound effects...Watch Darkenss falls.

Okay why do I like this movie? Is it because Nix hates it? (Well that don't hurt) It really is because of the first time I watched it.. my date.. was scared shitless.. got good and close.. During the viewing.. and in the end hummed me to show her gratitude for my being there to protect her from the "Tooth Fairy".. how can you not like a movie that ends so happily?!?!?

Nix you just need a humjob!

In my book it rates up there with The Grudge and The Ring.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Nigerian scammer.. I hate these guys...

Well I got another Nigerian scammer letter..
Now remember to play nice.. I don;t want anybody going to sites that bomb you with smap and entering his email address...

nor woudl it be nice to set you a spam filter in outlook and have all of yo spam sent directly to him at

Nor should you, email him saying that you are an interested hampster rancher from a sea side ranch in Nevada

I sure am glad that I am keeping his email confidential.. aren;t you?

here is the copy of the email..
Funny he used a part of my alias as my first name in the subject.. priceless..
Good day to you,

I presume this letter will come to you as a surprise, but as things
we will know each other better. I will start by introducing myself to
My name is Thomas Cole a solicitor at law. I am writing in respect of a
foreigner who happens to be my client an oil merchant and contractor
Richard Burson Later) who perished in a plane crash of 31st October
1999[WITH EGYPTIAN AIRLINE 990] with other passengers aboard.

Since the demise of my client I personally have watched with keen
to see the next of kin but all has proved abortive as no one has come
claim his funds of US$28.5m(Twenty Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand
United States Dollar) and all the relevant documents in the bank has no
record of any next of kin. On this note, I decided to seek for whom his
shall be used as his next of kin so i have contacted you to assist in
repatriating most especially, the money left behind by my client before
get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where the huge
deposits were lodged. Particularly, the Equity Development Bank Plc
the deceased had an account valued at about Usd28.5 million dollars has
issued me a notice to provide the Next of kin, or have the account

I seek your consent to present you as the Next of kin of the deceased
you bear the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued
Usd28.5 million dollars can be paid to you, as my clients Next of Kin,
then we can share the amount on a mutual agreed percentage.

All legal documents to back up your claim as the deceased Next of Kin
be provided.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement
will protect you from any breach of the law and you should endeavor to
it confidential.

Please get in touch with me, to enable us discuss further about this
transaction.Reply to this mailbox:

Best regards,

Thomas Cole.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

just in case anyone was wondering..

for $441.00

Flight: British Airways flight 206 on a Boeing 747 Jet - non-stop
Depart: Miami, FL (MIA) - Wed, Mar 29 at 4:15pm
Arrive: London Heathrow, UK (LHR) - Thu, Mar 30 at 6:35am
Meals: Meal Served

Flight: British Airways flight 430 on a Airbus Jet - non-stop
Depart: London Heathrow, UK (LHR) - Thu, Mar 30 at 8:40am
Arrive: Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS) - Thu, Mar 30 at 10:50am
Meals: Meal Served

This is only one example of how cheep it is to fly international. I have flown on Brittish Airways and enjoyed it. KLM is another great choice when flying into Amsterdam.

Here I use Northwest and connect to KLM (a partner)
But that is because I am not in a big city. I have ot hop a commuter to get to a major airport.

My airport is growing up, but you still in almost all cases of going overseas have to get to a larger airport first.

My next trip to Sweden is only $330 (aprox) round trip..
I encourage all of my stay at home american counterparts to go explore the world.. if you do not have a passport, sure it is about $100.. but it is good for 10 years. Go get yours now!
It takes up to 90 days to get one back from the state dept right now, the last person I knew that ordered one , had a wait of about 70 days.

Soon you will need a passport to travel to any forighn country, so even if you are not ready to go over the pond, a trip to Mexico, or Canada, will require one, so just do it.

There comes more than just a littel satisfaction when you are first called a "world traveler" so please do it.. you will be thrilled by your adventure.

Plus if you take photos, your blog will be more interesting too.

Untill later, this is DeRex wishing you a happy and healty , good night.

Hooray for Boobies.

Ladies for the record I think all of yor breasts are lovely.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well,
son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are
like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like
pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."


"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom,
how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and
answers, Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties,
willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it
is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a
Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

QUOTE of the Day!

"Ain't life a bitch?
I need a blowjob"

Sure it is smutty bumper sticker humor.. but it about sums up my feelings on the day.

7 days to blast off..

7 days and counting..

Yes, friends and neighbors, only 7 days left until the big flight to Sweden.. (Sweden + January = Me Freezing my Kineeky off!)

Wish me and my Kineeky well!

I am partially dreading having to go right now. I have a ton of crap that is about to need doing at work.. and even more crap going on around the house, that needs attention. I think I have managed to make the house as secure as possible, while I am gone. I got a 130 pound dog, and she will be home during the day.. at night, she will be in the house, and may be accompanied by a son and his (soon to be wife). My next door neighbor, is nosy as hell so he will keep an eye out.. all is well.. I still get anxious.. too many times in the past I have come back to a disaster of one type or another.. but hopefully this year will be better.
I am sure once I hit the ground in Stockholm, I will be just fine.

I don’t mind flying. I used to fly a lot as a child, back and forth to grandma’s house. Seems like it was about every 6 months that I was in the air, for as long as I was growing up.

I will be working at least two days while I am there, the rest of the time , I hope to see what can be seen.
This poses a small problem.. I want to see architecture, museums, and historical places. My wife, will want to go shopping.

Shopping , to me is as exciting as watching paint dry.. I would rather have oral surgery than to shop for hours. (It is a man thing I guess)

One of the people we will be seeing, we spent some time with last year in the Virgin Islands, with luck she will take my wife shopping, so I can get some rest.. rest will make this feel like a vacation.. and then after she has spent all of my money, we might get a museum in.

Vacation: I would much rather be where it is warm, for vacation. I am trying to get to south west Florida to do a little work, hopefully within the next two months. It will still be colder than Dante’s 7th level of hell here, so it will feel more like vacation than anything.

Once I get back I may just jump a plane to Fl, to thaw out! I have about 3 weeks of vacation to use up, so I might as well.. eh?

Last night, I slept like a log. I do not think I so much as moved once I closed my eyes. I felt pretty good this morning. A nice change.

It is now mid day ,and I feel fatigue setting in.. I was hopping to get some computer time in tonight when I got home. I have an article I want to writer for an industry mag, and also want to get some RSS feed stuff attempted with a web site I run.
We will have to see how sleepy I am when I get there.

People: Does this happen to everybody? Sometimes, I look at people, and get such a creepy vibe from them. Usually it is distrust.
There is a new hire, here in an office directly attached to mine, and I swear this chick makes me feel like she is scoping my wallet. Every time I see her it gets stronger. She started about a month ago.. it is a business that leases space from us, and has offices in my office group (We have two groups) Business office , and my offices. They lease about 2/3 of my office groups unused space. When I first met her, she made me feel uneasy. Then every time I have seen her since she made me feel more uneasy. Then about 2 weeks ago, she managed to get her husband hired in at that office.. and he struck me as a coke freak on amphetamines, and beyond the ADHD he also came across as a smarmy, leisure suit wearing used car salesman type. Just creepy.
(or maybe it’s those damn monkey eyes?)

Weather: It has been a really strange winter. We has a ton of snow on thanksgiving day, that is a little early even for this piece of frozen tundra.
Normally we are playing around with temps near 0 the first week of January, but last night we had a THUNDER STORM! With GOBS and GOBS or rain, temps up around 40 degrees?

Lows are 30s and 20s but those should be at best highs.
Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t bitching that it is 40 degrees warmer than I am used to,, but it is “creepy”.

Time to check Stockholm weather..
Wind Variable at 1 MPH (1 KT)
Visibility less than 1 mile
Sky conditions obscured
Weather Freezing fog
Temperature 15 F (-9 C)
Dew Point 12 F (-11 C)
Relative Humidity 85%
Pressure (altimeter) 30.45 in. Hg (1031 hPa)
ob ESSB 031750Z VRB01KT 1100 R12/P1500N R30/P1500N FZFG VV002 M09/M11 Q1031 3072//66

FREEZING FOG! Gotta love flying into that.

I have a friend in Alaska that has a freezing fog story.. small plane, freezing fog, Ice on wings.. scared the Bush Pilot.. that’s bad.. he lived.. all is well.. but I don’t like Freezing Fog!

Temps at 12 – 15 degrees.. sounds just like home.
Well Kids.. I gotta go.. leave a comment and prepare for Elvar Swiftfire day commeth.


Monday, January 02, 2006

Broadzilla.. I think I may be in lust.

Check these hardcore chicks out!

Now if only we can get he Potatoebabies to upload a vidio of.. oh I dunno..
The Circus Song?

Priceless.... photos.. What was I thinking??

Black/Red Lipstick $2.45
Black Bikini Undies $3.95 for a tube of three.
Teddy (that's too short) $22.50
Case of Dragon Stout $23.95
Getting your largest friend drunk and then to dress up in a Toga and get his picture taken with you in Drag..

Funny this picture is old enough to drink..

I wonder what ever happend to Elmer (left) I miss him,, in a strange.. wish I had not had this picture taken sort of way.

If anyone has seen Elmer McDowell, or knows his whereabouts, please pass this link onto him.. or at least the picture!

(Why didn't I know my Teddy was too short??? I guess even with all the pratice I had back then, I did not know a proper fit when I saw one)

(I was going to say here that , everyone has one photo that they are embarresed over.. but you know what , I am not embarrased by this photo.. I had a shit load of fun with the people I knew then. Hell, I still feel "love" when I think of them.. so bugger off.) (now the phot that came after this one.. well I was drinking.. I had taken cold medicine.. she swore she was my age.. I didn;t know her dad was the Sherriff, and my Grandma ate my homework)

International swifty day is coming!

Yes friends and neighbors, International Swifty day is coming! (date to be announced)

What does this mean to you..
Well if could mean fame and forture!

On a day to be announced, we will make a world wide effort to get a top 10 search on Technorati.
How? By asking all of you, and both of my friends to go to technorati throughout the day adn search for

If enough of us do, he will rise to top ten status, (and I expect on of you to grab me a screen shot of it when it happens)
Here is hte good part.. you can benifit, by adding the tag to your posts! Then when people do click on the unknown Bruna Bianco like name at technorati, they will find you.
Thus brining you traffic, and if you are worth teo Daphne Teo's a load of fame and perhaps fortune.

How do you put the tag on your blog? Easy, just copy the code in the box here

And paste it into your blog's "edit html" section.

You can start now, by going back adn adding it to the few choice posts you have, you know the ones you want to get noticed.. on that day to be announced in thh future.

Remember the key is to tell everyone you know to go to on the date (to be chosen) and search for Eliar Swiftfire

So now you know how to play.. check back here for updates.. adn let the games begin..
you can start praticing now.. by searchign for

What to do this Saturday in Grand Rapids

Here is a portion of this week's Recoil Magazine (Potatoebabies Section)

Like you got something better to do?

Go ahead, I know some of you are in Asia and some are in far flung lands like Cleveland.. , but if you book your flight now, you can make their opening song..
By the way ask them to burn you a copy of the Circus Song, or Doggie with the Milky White Skin.. you won't be sorry you did.

Email Potatoebabies at

Overworked? Underpaid? Fat & Bald? Can't Get Laid?

Why Not???

and now a word from that stinking paper clip!

Windows 2006 Cyber Pet.. a pet for the New Year

Happy New Year, Nixeclipsosis, and stuff...

First things first.. I promised to send a picture to a friend that reads this, of when iw as body building.. this is the "biggest" I could find. I went another 20 pounds up, before my shoulder injury.

I did not sleep well last night, so my typing (normaly stellar I know) is even worse..

I took a nap yesterday, and I think it kept me up last night.. boy I sure could sleep right now!

This morning, I did post here, but Blogger ate my post.. I hate that.. adn I did not have time to go back in and type anything. so you all loose.. (actually it was so poorly typed, you really win)

t had just random ramblings.. of a sleep deprived mind.. kinda like this post.
So how was your new years eve?
Mine was for the most part neventful? Well I did have my four step sons over, their wives, two grand kids, an nephew, a friend, his gal, adn about 6 friends of sons and nephew, that look and act like drug dealers.. made me feel uneasy, but if I say antything about these hoods in my house, I am being rediculous.. and I quote my wife here "They woudl be affraid of C (C is one son).. if they stole he woudl kick there asses".
Well guess what I don;t buy it.. I need the fuck away from these people. (I just hate them all.. plain simple.. I hate them)

Anyway, I did nto come here to bitch.. I came here to complane.. actually am still a littel pissed that blogger ate my first post)

I had a cool list of things I hoped to accomplish this year, including one person whom I hope to have sexualy.. but you will just have to guess about that now.. and no nix it wasn;t you.. pervert.

Perhpas later int eh day I will get back to posting my list of shit to get done this year.. that are NOT resolutions.
For now PEace!
PS. Did you see Dick Clark? Damn, takes balls.. I say Good for you Dick!

new year nixeclipsosis


Yes we all made it to another year.

And no I can;t believe it either.

I do not make new years resolutions.. but I do make goals for anew year, and for the next day for that matter.. so it is all the same.

I once had a goal to get BIG.. I was a skinny kid, and had low self esteem at the time.. so big I got. This picture is the "biggest" one I could find.. I got bigger.

I have uploaded it here , for one special person.. that I promised to send it to a while ago. I hope she sees it.

Unerstanding that I am all blubbery and ugly now.. :)

Goals for the new year..

1. Get my Lotus on the road. I need to put about $2000 into it, to get it back up to snuff. I miss driving it. Sure I am compensating for a small member.. but at least I CAN compensate..

2. Pay off credit cards. (This may seem counter to #1.. and it may be when all is said and done)

3. Get web generated income up to $20,000/yr. Which means you will suffer through even more advertizing in my quest to find the right matches.

4. Find a source for books on tape.. I feel that modern music is rotting the few brain cells I have left.. and talk radio just pisses me off.

(Though I will probobly still listen to Rap.. 'cause I gots to have my hip hop yo!)

(I bet 50% of you wish I would add.. take a typing course here.. well guess what.. it ain;t happening)

5. Get back to Europe.. (Easy as I have already booked my flight to Sweden, but I mean France, Belgium, The Netherlands.. and maybe England again.. I am hearing that the pound it sinking, if it does England may actually be affordable this next year.. )

6. (I am keeping this one to my self)

(There are more , but I am out of time.. )

Nixeclipsosis: Yes friends and neighbors, I am on 3 hours of sleep.. wha thappens here over the next 12 hours I cannot be completely heald acocuntable for.. (This includes typing held as h-e-a-l-d) but my assistant is back and I am still pissed off at my boss.. so I guess I will be typing here.. and getting paid for it..

I am still trying to figure out how to put New YEars Eve in perspective.. so that post may come today.. especially after, sleep deprivation makes my defenses drop some more.. I will not be suprised if by the end of the day, I am confessing to crimes I did nto commit.. anyone want to know wher eI stored the documents?? Th eGold .. the secret to life the unierse and everything? Well today is your day to ask.. I feel like I have been slipped a roofie, adn am ready for a good old fashioned interrogation and romping.)