Friday, April 21, 2006

Duke Lacrosse Private Eye.. Part Dux.

Wednesday looked up at me with her watery doe eyes, and said “Mff mre emm fffhu”
So I said, Wednesday didn’t your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full?

So Wednesday pulled back and said “I didn’t know Edgar was Hung”

“It seems that he is, and in more than just reputation . “ I said. "But I didn't think there were any Asian men who were hung. Just goes to show you , you learn something new everyday."

So afterwards Wednesday cleaned off her new dress form the Clinton collection a stunning blue number, we went out on the town looking for Edgar Hung and Tammy NYP..
Was she soon to be Tammy Hung? Well in any event we knew who was Hung at the moment.

We searched and searched all through my pants, and her blouse and up Wednesdays Skirt too, but we couldn’t find Tammy and Edgar.

So after a while we pulled into a real dive, a greasy spoon dinner with extra grease on the menu.

We hadn’t been in there long when we noticed the singing Vikings..
“I hope that they don’t start that spam song again” Wednesday stated rather plainly..
But it was too late, the mere mention of Spam or this blog always set the Vikings to singing..

I was just about to leave, with Wednesday when in walked Tammy.

“There she is, I wonder how her pussy is doing?” I queried.

“I thought she was a dog owner” was Wednesdays response.

“Yes, yes, and her little dog too.. “ I said quickly covering my steps.

“Hello You must be Duke Lacrosse” Tammy said, her almond eyes watering from emotion, or over exertion.

“Where’s hung?” I said.

"Who’s Hung” she said.
"We all know who's Hung" I said.
“I heard your boyfriend was hung” Injected Wednesday.

“Now, now, girls lets not go getting jealous” I said. “We can’t all be Hung”
Wednesday glanced up at me with that knowing sneer, that I always wanted to slap off her face.

(So I did).

(to be continued)

Don’t miss a single episode of “Duke Lacrosse Private Eye!”

In the mean time see Sam Spade the charictor that Inspired Duke Lacross and every other private dick.

The Adventures of Duke Lacrosse.. Private Eye. (Part one)

The Adventures of Duke Lacrosse.. Private Eye.

My Name is Duke Lacrosse, Private Eye.
I do my best work on Wednesday.
Wednesday is my girlfriend.
The other day Wednesday and I went to a party in Singapore to shoot some video and try to catch a glimpse or porn star accidente' Tammy Nyp.
We were all there, jumping for Joy, until Joy left..
But that was okay because everyone was still feeling Mary. Until Mary left.
The only thing left to do was grope a stripper, and well that just gets old after a while.. So
Wednesday and I went to leave,and put a tail on Mary and maybe a school girl outfit or something, when Wednesday noticed I had a flat tire.
She pumped and I jacked, then she jacked and I pumped..
Then we fixed the flat.

It was too late to chase Mary, so Wednesday and I went back to my place, we were sitting on the couch together, when a rock crashed through my window.
It hit Marry straight in the breast.
Broke two of my fingers.

There was a note attached to the rock, merry unwrapped it and read:
Help me, my name is Tammy and I have a boyfriend named Edgar. Edgar Hung, we are trying to run away to America to be in the movies together, but my parents wont let me go.

Please help us.
Signed Tammy NYP.

Interesting I thought, I thought Edgar's first name was Hung?
And Wednesday blew me.

Blew me away with her ability to read Chinese.
(To be continued)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

a poem from Nix and American Idol Notes.

first from Nix
NixEclips said...
Ok, shit-head, here's another p.o.s.

Perfect Dream
The woman dressed in black,
Returned, again, today.
She stole herself a kiss.
Then wished herself away.

Then came her destruction.
I couldn't shut it out.
I tried to tape my eyes closed,
And lock away the doubt.
But night came, oh, so quickly.
And soon I wasn't real.
And now the worms of her decay,
Are the only things I feel.

6:27 PM

Real cheerful Nix.. JESUS!

Then American Idol..
I quit.. I just fucking quit!
American you SUCK!
Sure the show sucks too, but goddamnit! Chris in the bottom three.. what are you fuckin nuts?!?!?
I am not a hardcore rock fan and that is where chris will make his bucks, but come-the-fuck-on he's the only one up there with professional quality talent!
If that vote wasn't fixed, America you suck!

Ace goes home.. well at least there is hope for America.. lets face facts, he was a pretty face in an empty shirt.. he had an intresting voice in false, but was medeocre in almost every other way vocaly.

The bottom three was a complete cluster fuck.. Elliot should have gone home, and chris should have been near or at the top.. then next week a tennor will coach them.. Chris my friend I think you're fucked.

In the end at this rate we will end up with Katherene McFee and Elliot as out final two and American Idol will have found the cure for insomnia that does not respond to heavy drugs.
Montvani move over, there is a new reason to sleep in town.

On that note, I am going to bed.. I have a cold, and feel like shit..
America you voted and you SUCK!
How about we dig up Lawrence Welk to perform on Season 6?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Damn it is still National Poetry Month ??

Damn it is still National Poetry Month. ??
Here is some tripe I wrote.. think of it as a “Beat” poem.. it goes down easier that way.

Head over Heels
Hand over fist
Foot in Mouth
Hand to mouth

Brokeback Mountian 2 .. they finaly got it right..

Giddy up .. giddy up!

American Idol Notes: (from a reluctant viewer)

American Idol does Rod Stewart, from "The Great American Song Book" Volumes 1 through 4. (see below)

Last night was a night of pleasant suprises.
First off was Chris.. and Damn that man has a set of pipes! He tackled Wonderful World (A favotite song to me) orriginaly done by Louie Armstrong, and when I heard that was the tune he picked I thought, that this would be Chris's weakest performance.. it was not.. good job Chris.
The other strong performance was put in my Katherine LaFee (or whateverher last name is) I can;t tel you the song she did (bad sign) but I can tell you that it was great.

My guess at bottom three this week:
Elliot, Paris, Ace or maybe even Kelly Pickler.

Kelly's performance was lack luster, she looked likea stature durring the song, and lost all of her personality.. the song was too big for her little mind.. (Simon was right, when he said, You sang, Bewitched, Botherd and Bewildered, and we could have skip[ed the first two and just said Bewildered. Simon may be an ass, but he is an accurate one)

Elliot goes home.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

a Youtube Video Mission! For Swifty.. and in other news..

Yo I am sending you on a mission.. go check out my bro Swifty's website and take a look at his sweet and charming video.. CLICK HERE!

Then go to youtube and find it.. (yo swifty help me out here, what should they search for?)
Then rate it as 5 stars..
Swifty could use the promotion, and it ain;t all that bad.. who knows maybe if you ask him nicely he will slpice together some stuff for you and yours adn make you world famous like he is doign for Justin?

(I got some porn footage I am hoping he will hack together.. but that's another subject)

In other news: Can anyone tell me why the Generals are askign for Rumsfield to resign? Other than he's an ass?
I read an article from one of the generals where he listed 6 reasons for RUmmy to resign , but for hte life of me none of then seemed very good reasons, adn a coupld of them seemed like stuff that old Rummy had nothing to do with.
Could this be politics as usual? I heard one Talk Show host Oxycodon Boy (I think it was) suggest that this is just a political end run to break up the administration, in case the Dems cannot win the mid term election and proceed with impeachment hearings. Sounds plausable..

Does anyone think that Bush could actualy be impeached? I woudl like to think he could be, because that seems to level the powers out a bit, but I am a believer that he has so much political clout at this point that he coudl kill adn eat children publicly and not get impeached.. that's just my opinion..

If you do not like him (and I am no fan) I think all we can do is vote our hearts in Novemeber, and settle down and in for a long fuggin next 2 years.
Then what will be put up for election?
I do not see any real alternatives coming down the road either.. Hillary?? She's a joke. Kary? That's a scary thought.. and just what we need another skull and bones in the oval office..
(I am half way to saying fuck it, and moving to Switzerland)

Yo Mal they got any room for a disgruntled American in Paris?
I liked what I saw if France last spring when I was over.
(The airport sucked, but the rest was okay in my book)
I will warn you, you have seen how I type english>? Well I speak even less French.

I have a friend in Belgium that says he would take me in in a hearbeat.. so even if hte french would not tolerate a cheezeburger eating idiot like me, I would still be just across the border.. adn I like Belgiun food nearly as much as I do French!

While I am on that subject.. if you are planning a trip to Antwerp anytime at all in the near or far future, be sure to stop by Applemans (The Absinth Bar). AMAZING food, and drink!

So stop by view swifty's latest creation, go to youtube rate it high-high, and then fly into Antwerp and have a drink on me.. the owner is an amazing fellow who will take very good care of you..

all I can say , is it is a good thing I am this close to the canadian border..

Monday, April 17, 2006

Easter Bunny DEAD.. Film at 11:00

If you are having a hard time figuring out just how to tell your 12 year old son that the easter bunny was imaginary.. show him this, and explain that the easter bunny died.. it is easier than admitting you're a liar. (and a lot more fun)

Almost Exclusive!!!! Art Bell Wedding Photos!

you gotta go here to see the official Art Bell Wedding Photos.. see Art's new child.. (oops) I man bride.

Yes friends you who may have thought Art was completely fucking looney! Now have your proof..
After his "soulmate" died $ MONTHS AGO, Art has moved on up.. way to go Art.
She got any younger sisters? I am thinking about divorce, adn just want to know what my options are.
Thanks buddy!

Art Bell, tried to Marry Tammy NYP, but..

Yes Friends Art Bell Radio Personality and UFO / Paranormal nutter.. , tried to marry Tammy NYP.. but ended up with a 21 year old Filipina. (sp) After all to us round eyes, Asain women all look alike.. (naked)

Now he is reportedly moving to Manila and planning to broadcast via ISDN from there..
($10 says she screws him to death inside of 3 months.. old codger)

Art sadly lost his wife of 15 year in January.. and even though I think he is a complete lunatic, he deserves to be happy.. and if a 21 year old piece of ass makes him happy. then I am all for it!

I actually love all that kook shit.. pseudo-science is so much more entertaining than actual science.. you get to use yor imagination more than numbers.. and I was never very good with numbers.

and for all you player haters out there.. don't hate the player hate the game.. and get your own Filipina Bride!

I understand that Art Bell may even now offer pod casts.. but I cannot confirm this, at any rate get yout iPod form and save! Do it now.. before they damn things are obsolete....

Yes, you saw it.. a 60 Gb IpoD (video ipod.. that's a lot of porn.. oops, i mean Art Bell.. )

Ode to Tammy NYP.. a new song!

Here you go sing along..
(no this is not the potatoebabies version.. you people are so impatient.. that one is coming soon, but in the mean time enjoy this classic.. )
"Come (cum) on Tammy (NYP)"

Cum on Tammy (NYP)

Poor old Edgar Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono
Our mothers cried
Sang along, who'd blame them
Now you're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever
Go toora loora toora loo rye aye
And we can sing just like our fathers

Come on Tammy, oh I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
With you in that dress my thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Ah come on Tammy

These people round here wear beaten down eyes
Sunk in smoke dried faces
They're so resigned to what their fate is
But not us (no never), no not us (no never)
We are far too young and clever
Go toora loora toora loo rye aye
Tammy I'll hum this tune forever

Come on Tammy oh I swear (what he means)
Ah come on, let's take off everything
That pretty red dress Tammy (tell him yes)
Ah come on let's, Ah come on Tammy
That pretty red dress, Tammy (tell him yes)
Ah come on let's, ah come on Tammy

Come on Tammy too-loo rye-aye
Come on Tammy too-loo rye-aye
Toora toora-too-loora

Now you have grown, now you have shown, oh Tammy
Come on Tammy, these things they are real and I know
how you feel
Now I must say more than ever
things round here have changed
Too-ra loo-ra too-ra loo-rye-aye


All Tammy NYP All Anal All the Time!

New song soon to be Released on the Good Boy Record Lable.

Yes it is an "Ode to Tammy (NYP)"!

Or you can go see the all anal all the time Tammy NYP website!

Tammy NYP, Download, Video, Phone, Singapore, Sex, Anal, Blow job, Fuck, suck, video phone, hard core, scandal, scandle, porn, spam, edgar, nyu, school, asain, schoolgirl, girl, naked, nude, fucking, movie, website!

Happy Easter.. another pegan holiday brought to you by the vatican.

Eostre.. or Ostara she is where we get Easter.

I prefer Pegan ritual anyway.. so lets all break out the wine and get furtile..

For one of my Friends, who shall remail nameless. Happy Easter! (There is no god)

But anyway, did the Easter Bunny bring you all you wished for?
I got to eat some candy that I stole from the grandkids.. so the bunny was good to me this year.. I am still on a chocolate buzz.. I could have used some more wine.. though..

How did you celebrate easter? At my house we drank margaritas and played poker.. (I lost) I guess that's what I get for being such a heathen?

Anyway, more on Poker.. you may have heard me talk abou I have been playing on the free tables there for a few weeks and it is kinda fun.. you better like cards to go play.. or you will find after a while that you are bored to tears.
But this weekend I played on the money tables.. yes, I sinned and dropped $100 wtf I thought it's only $100.. well I was much suprised to see how hard it was to win on the money tables.. at one point i fet sure that the other people on the table could see my damn cards.. I am still not sure that one could not see them.. if I had a good hand this player woudl fold, or have a better hand.. it is not often that a flush gets beat, and time and time again I found mself on the loosing end of a good hand.. or everyone woudl fold and I would rake in nothing.. it was very frustrating.. compound that with the fact that I play the other players faces adn reactions as much as I play my cards,a dn I was really out of my element. (I do not think I will bother waisting any more money at

So go forth and sin..
This is your PEgan, Heathen, Creatin, Anarchist, Agnostic, DeRex signing off..
and here we have your gratuitous sexual asian lady photo.

big rabbit photo courtesy of
asian girl photo stolen from..

More news on the potatoebabies, new, sure to be smash hit "Ode to Tammy (nyp)" coming soon!

Tax Day! Hooray :(

Well kiddies, today is tax day.. ain't we all glad?
(Of course not!)
But like it or not here it is.. and for you last minute fillers, I give you this.
2-Day Tax Refund Loans
TaxBrain Online Tax Service
Get Started Now!

I for one think our tax code is crap! I do not propose to be smart enough to figure out what it should be, but it seems logical and fair to have a flat tax, or a national sales tax in place of the volumes and volumes of tax code we have now.

I have a friend who is a tax preparer who may wish to differ with me.. but in any case, when the IRS (or Congress.. I forget which) asked for CPAs to do 1000 tax returns and 100% were found to be incorrect, we have a seriuos porblem.. and Congress.. if you can hear me... it is not a problem with the CPAs! It is your damn tax code.. why don't you just write it in Greek and get it over with.
Here are a couple of books, that talk about tax code, and fair or flat taxes.. check them out.

I firmly believe that this country needs tax reform, and needs it now.. if you believe the same thing, I suggest you call your congressman at (202)224-3121 if you are not sure who your Represenitive is tell teh operator where you reside and they will help you.
Also try your Senateor at (202)224-3121 each state has two, you can speak to the office of both of yours.

Finally you may also email your Seanetor by looking them up at this website. I have been told that a phone call has more weight than an email, but if a simple email is all you can do, so much the better for all of us.. just do somthing, if you believe that our tax code is unfair, or just too confusing for anybodies good.

Some benifits of fair and simple taxes.
1. higher compliance, more people will pay.
2. less need for the IRS.. yes, with a fair and simple tax, the IRS will be able to shrink in size.
3. less cheating.. if you gotta pay 13% of your income then that's what you pay.. no loopholes.. with less cheating, revenue should go up.
4. Fewer hours spent by people like me, trying to figure out what i need to pa and what I don't.. = a happier voter base.

I have heard arguments, that a fair or flaty tax will put CPA's and tax prepareer far and wide out of work.. and (like I said earlier) I have friends who are both.. I do not believe it will put any of them out of work, but it may cause them to change their area of experteese.. for example, I could use a person to help me recover some of the european taxes I have paid.. so perhpas tax prepares could now switch to VAT recovery agents.. or some such thing.. I know I do not have the skills to chase down the few hundred the EU owes me this year. Thre will always be a use fo rpeople who are good with numbers, because ther ewill always be people like me.. who are not.

With Bush and his Iraq (and soon to be Iran) war debt, we need to do everything we can to get tax collections up, and I believe that a fair tax is the best way.. we gotta pay for his play, why not make it easy on ourselves?
From my soap box, this is DeRex.