Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Testing the waters.. when good yoga goes bad

Okay so now I am here for post number two. And seeing if I read the “how to” properly.. there is a possibility that I have head-in-ass disease, or as we like to call it around here.. a case of BAD YOGA.

So what to write about that you the reader may enjoy.. better question, do I care if you enjoy it.. well not really.. but here goes anyway.

Lets talk about stupid people.. I am not saying that I am not a stupid person, but it seems to me, if you can spot them easily, you probably aren’t one.

Here are a few examples:
A man in a southern town, had to have his penis removed from a soda can, when after he placed it into the opening, it started to “swell”. He suffered circumferential lacerations and required stitches. We can only hope that it does not work any longer, so he may not proliferate! (With any of his cousins or other fine folk)
I am sure someone asked him “Why did you do a dern fool thing like that fer” and I am willing to bet, his response was , “To see if I could get it to fit in there.”

I heard about a young fella who to check to see if the power was connected to his spa, wet the tip of one of his fingers and touched the incoming hot wire.. I bet that left a mark! What I want to know is Did he really think he had to wet his finger to feel 50 amps of 240 volt current?

Have you ever done anything realllllly stupid? (Sure you have, we all have.. hell I married the same woman twice!)
Care to comment on your act of stupidity, you can do it here and be completely anonymous.. I dare you to open up to nearly a billion potential reader.. I dare ya!

Dumb stuff I have done:

Married my high school sweetheart, while I was in high school.. during a lunch break.. of course consummating the marriage in the school parking lot when we got back was fun.. Then we divorced after 11 months.. (should have seen that one coming)
Forward the clock 12 years… I find here after a short search, have not talked with her in nearly 10 years.. we start to call each other regularly, as we are both going through a rough divorce from our subsequent spouses, we have lots to share.. mostly about how bad out choices of spouses had been, excepting present company. Then after a 3 month whirlwind 1500 mile phone relationship, my dumb ass hops a jet flys to where she is and PROPOSES! WTF WAS I THINKING???!!!???. We were wed 4 days after my arrival in her home town… we separated 11 days later, the divorce took another 60 days to be finalized.. we were nuts.. I think she was nuts she swears I was… Moral: Two people in dire emotional distress, should avoid each other like the plague, outside of perhaps group therapy.

Okay, I have been married a few times.. I am real good at courtship and shit as a spouse. I know it, I warned my current wife.. she didn’t listen and begged me to marry her for 7 years! Any bets on how long the marriage lasts.. I am banking on 2 years tops.. It’s been 7 months of hell now.. I think I can take another 17?

Maybe I have a problem with commitment? I am not sure, but it seems like you need to be committed (to an institution) if you want to marry me..
I should know never to sink so low as to marry anyone that would sink so low as to date me.

OOH OOH! I forgot about this one.. I was in High school, I was dating affine young lady, and I went to meet her parents. The meeting went well, I was nervous, cause I wanted to be able to see her at least long enough to get in her drawers. (what can I say, I’m a dude!) SO we meet, we have dinner, (her mom’s cooking sucks) after the meal we watch some television, her dad gives me the third degree, and I lie and pass the questioning.
The evening draws to a close, she walks me to the door, we kiss goodnight. I hope into my car .. put it in reverse.. and back SMACK into her dad’s new car! Panicking, I hit the gas rather than the break and push the little Toyota’s bumper full up into the grill! I panic further, put the car into Drive rather than park, hop out and my car rolls forward into their house! (pushing my bumper full up into my grill) This by the way takes some force to do in a 1969 Chevy Malibu! The crash(es) bring the family a running… needless to say after my ass chewing from her, her mother and her father, I left with my tail between my legs.. and I really mean that literally. She was forbidden to see me… (well that’s what she said the next day we were in school together) I never did get to get her naked… and I met my first wife a few months later..
See now if I had only had a few drinks during dinner I would not have been so nervous, and would be telling a different story of divorce today… of if she would have just boinked me before hand, we could have avoided the whole meet the parents thing.. talk about a life changing event.. funny how one little thing causes so many other little things isn’t it? Well I guess that is a topic for another entry.. now it is time to post this and see if I did read the “how to” section correctly.

No comments: