Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Missing in Action - plus more.

Missing in Action

Hello fellow travelers! Sorry for the long absence. Honestly, even AVM bloggers get tired of having AVMs. It's true. I made it through my semester and finished everything. I won't say I did well on my finals, but I finished and did not flunk out, so that is a small victory. All has been quiet on the brain front, which is good news, I am six months post gamma knife now, and still counting the months until that one year MRI. I am also moving. As hard as it is to move away from the Mayo Clinic and the blessed botox neurologist, this place has been killing me. Since everyone seems to think I am really lucky, I am considering buying a Kawasaki Ninja to celebrate. People have told me I am out of my mind to do this, but, hey, I've got a good excuse, right?

Migranes and Hula-Hoops

Last night I had my first real headache since having gamma knife for my arteriovenous malformation. In the past I have had random pains, weird sensations, and passing discomfort, but nothing like this. I called the pharmacy and asked them if I had any refills, they replied, "of what?" They seemed taken aback when I said, "Whatever, anything really." No dice.

My head felt like it was splitting open, but I still drove 20 miles to take a baby bird to a wildlife refuge, and went to two separate stores looking for hula-hoops for one of my kids, wondering all the while if I was going to drop dead in the process. By time I got home (after three temper tantrums--the baby's, not mine), I am bitched out by my older child about the sub-par hula-hoop. She followed me around the house, hula-hooping and moaning, making faces and stomping her feet to demonstrate what a terrible hula-hoop her mother had imposed on her. I was curled up, holding my head in my hands, and I tried my best to think of a way to constructively ask her to stop, but that came out was: "Will you please fuck off?"

I am thinking about writing a book about my AVM experience, but if that doesn't work out, maybe I'll give Lynne Spears a run for her money and write one on parenting instead. I will call it: "Profane Parenting: Nurturing Through Expletives for the Vascularly Challenged"

Who else has used this technique?

Insurance is a Magical Thing!

(Photoshop Dramatization)

Well, it turns out that if your insurance decides to cover Botox for neurological damage, Neurologists suddenly decide that wrinkles are neurological damage! From now on everyone will just have to picture my world weary, sardonic expression in their mind's eye! Wooohoooo!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Is That a Giant Sucking Sound, or is it Just Me?

There are international agreements governing trade, and countries who are parties to the agreements take on certain obligations that prevents them from erecting barriers to free trade. For example, customs rules. A country must agree to publish instructions on what you must do in order to get things through customs. Sounds simple, but there is a reason the rule was needed. In order to protect domestic industries, countries come up with clever and sneaky ways to foil trade. Many only published lists of things that you can't do if you want to get things through customs. An affirmative idea is infinitely more powerful than a negative. Imagine if you asked my how to roast a chicken, and I said, "Don't boil it." Not very helpful, although technically true.

Lately I have been inspired by this concept as it relates to personal healing, both for my brain and my spirit. I don't want my AVM to bleed, I don' want to have gamma knife again, I don't want a craniotomy, I don't want a seizure, a migraine, or an anuerysm.

These are all really general thoughts and fears, diffuse and tress induceing. They don't really address my hopes, my wants or desires. From now on I am trying to channel my thoughts into the affirmative. I want the AVM to be obliterated. I want my brain to heal. I want to relax. If I give my brain clear instructions, I am hoping to remove the barriers to healing. A treaty, if you will, to root out the sneaky processes that undermine progress. And while Ross Perot might disagree with my logic, I'm hoping the benefits will lead to better relations between my body and mind...after all, they're stuck being neighbors, they might as well get along.

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