Tuesday, March 14, 2006

click whoring and American Idol predictions..

Okay first the click whoring..
Singapore Idol... (cue music send out little short guy in cheap suit.. with bad hair cut)

Tammy NYP Cell Phone Sex Video Download
vs. the now Technorati famous "bukit batok video"

First up "bukit batok video" Doing Disco Classic “Mac Arthur Park”
(cue applause track, pan to judges)

Randy: "Yo dog.. what were you trying to do? I think that was just the wrong song choice for you entirely, it's sad 'cause I like you, but I don’t think you will be gettin' far with that.

Paula: Well I could not really get he feel of what the nude park goers were trying to do in Bukit Batok but all in all I thought the performance was good.

Simon: "it was just horrible.. I mean what were you trying to do there? I think that would only be enjoyed by 80- year old dementia patents and underage cyber voyeurs, I think you just bought your airplane ticket home with that performance".

Next up the Cyber -sweetheart the Pickler of the pickle riding world.. TAMMY NYP!!! Doing the Beatles tune, “She’s got a Pickle to Ride”
(huge applause , and another 12,000 hits to this site)

(show standing ovaton.. pan audience faces, now cue judges on camera two.. and cut to camera two)

Randy" We got a hot one in the house tonight.. give it up dog pound!! The thing that really amazed me is that her partner was not even black! What a surprise from this young lady!!!

Paula: "You know I forget that you are just 17! I think that the world will see more and more of you as you get of age, and I feel truly blessed to have seen such a fine young talent! Again all I can say is amazing.. " (Big Paula Abdul grins and a bow.. ain't Paula the nice one.)

And Finally Simon Scowl" "Well, that was amazing, such a young talent, able to handle such a big member! And when you went to ball fondling and sword swallowing at the same time I was truly impressed. It did get a little pitchy there in the middle, but all total I think you gave the only professional level performance of the evening."

And now America it's your turn to speak.. to vote for "bukit batok video" dial 1 on your porta-porn 9000 phone, to vote for Tammy NYP dial 2.. but first please put your willies away before you dial.. (as is not free to roam the portals of cyber space again.)
(for something with more gratuitous sex and violence than American Idol go here.. )

Now seriously..
American Idol: I hate American Idol, I just don’t like to see people belittled, and there really is not a whole lot of talent on the show. Lets face it, if you heard a song by 90% of the contestant at a karaoke bar, you would not stop trying to pick up the skank at the end of the bar long enough to listen.

That’s why for the greatest part, I don’t know any of there names, or can I tell you any of the songs that they have sung this season.. and I will add here, I have not missed a single episode this season.. much to my dismay. (Okay it is a giving up control of the tele thing, I do it every once in a while to keep the peace in my house, and there ain’t shit on most nights that I care about, so while American Idol plays 3 fuckin nights a week, I sit and listen to it, while I do “other things”.

Here is my prediction form the very start.. Kelly Pickler, will go all the way.. she is the ringer this year. More time was spent and has been spent on her back story than any other contestant. And perhaps rightfully so. With a story like hers Country music fans will be able to (in some part) identify with her, and lets face it, the girl is really likable.. so I think that the producers have been gambling on her from the very start.. now whether the voting is rigged enough to see her through only the Producers and perhaps the Diebold Corporation know.

As for the men, the better performer of the bunch is the bald guy.. what’s his name, the more attractive is (as far as I can tell in polling all of my wives, and girlfriends, and wives girlfriends, and both of my mothers, )is Ace. Now men tend to think that Ace is a flamer, and with the current Clay Aiken scandal, perhaps the producers of AI will not want a peter puffer winning anything other than that “ticket home” that Simon seemed to be all about in a show last week. Personally I don’t; care if he smokes the white owl and has ruby red cheeks, as long as he can sing.. but when I hear him, I thnk about every backstreet boys knock off band ever contrived.
Perhaps he will get a starring roll in the sequel to Brokeback Mountain, but I don’t think he will win the gold at AI this year.

And those mre my predictions.. be sure to tune in like millions of other mindless zombies all across the land tonight, and every night.. for AMERICAL IDOL! (cue music.. fade to black….)

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