Friday, December 23, 2005

Intelligent design vs Evolution.. sorta.

With Inteligent Design at the top of everyone's mind, I thought I would re-run these two posts.. I am sure that you will find a point of view that you agree with in one of the two.. or maybe not.
However, I believe that either of the two theories offered below has as much validity as any other that is or will be taught in public shcools, now or in the foreseeable future.
As such, I feel that it is each adn every one of you's duties, to demand that they are both taught in the public shcools her ein the good ol' U.S. of A.

Once upon a time, there was an extremely intelligent species of being from a planet far far away.. while exploring the galaxy, they stopped at this little planet, three planets out from a small yellow star, in the lower left hand corner of their map.. the planet was nice, it had abundant water, and plants and animals, but no truly intelligent beings.. so the aliens being the highly intelligent beings that they were decided, that they would create man.

Man was created by using the DNA of a chimpanzee, a pinch of salt, and something that the Alien Lt. Grock, made in his galactic still..

Man was made, and for years, the aliens used man as their favorite pets, while they were here on Earth.. then after a while, the aliens had to get about exploring the rest of he galaxy and left.. taking all of their pets with them.. except a couple that had escaped from the starship Eden.. These two naughty little 90% monkeys were called Adam and Eve.. Adam Chimpman and Eve Chimpman were very naughty.. and bred.. they had a son named Cain and one named Able.. Cain killed Able, and that should have been the end of the story.. but it was not.. seems that one Alien missed is pet monkey enough to try and come back and look for him.. he searched and searched for Adam.. but while searching his other monkeys ran away.. as the Master alien was not very nice, and liked to swat his monkey’s on the nose with a news paper whenever they made “mess” in the spaceship.. so the population of earth went from Adam and Eve and Cain to Adam, Eve, Cain, Spot, Fiddo, Fluffy, and Miss Mittens.. and Adam begot Miss Mittens, and Eve Begot Spot to get even and Fiddo Begot Cain, and Fluffy and Miss Mittens and tried to Begot Adam too, but Adam was “not that way” and Eve and Adam made up and begot each other, and their sons and daughters begot the offspring of the others and the next thing you know there were nearly 2 billion Chinese.

Later about year 1 the master sent his son to go check on the monkeys.. and the rest is biblical history.

Alternately once upon a time..

Once upon a time, there was a planet named Earth.. earth had everything a home could require.. food, water, air.. you know all the regular stuff..

It also had a species of being that had ascended from Monkeys named Neanderthal.

Neanderthal was very intelligent for a monkey.. and life was good for him..

Then one day a group of beings from outerspace on a three hour tour crashed landed here on planet earth..

There was the Skipper
The First Mate
The Millionare
And his Wife
The Movie Star
The Professor
And Marry Anne..

And they were confused and dumbfounded by Neanderthal..

They had many zany adventurers, where the Neanderthals would run away with the Movie star and Mary Anne and make “zub-zub” in a nearby cave..

Being that they (the two races) were both descendants of an earlier Space Traveling Monkey Race they made babies..
and ecause Neanderthal had a better moral compass than anyone of the seven he decided that in the spirit of doing the right thing, he would marry Young Mary Anne, who he really had the hots for even though the Movie Star was the more "Sexed" of the two..

And everything went smashingly.. until the Australopithecines showed up at the reception and after drinking too much Cocoanut beer that the professor brewed up, from the open bar started to argue and fight with the other guests.

But after a while the leader of the Australopithecines a big ugly one named Humphrey passed out and the rest of the night was spent dancing and mary making to the sounds of Cool and the Gang.

Fast forward a few 10’s of thousands of years and you have today.. I am sure that we can all see the traits of those seven stranded castaways in our friends and relatives.. its just too bad we did not get rid of our creepy monkey eyes along the way..

Get "THE" book on I.D. here

For another version of the ID theory see

Slarty Bartfast has never been so close to superfame!.. not even with the Fjord Award.

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