Wednesday, November 23, 2005

All That Jazz (Reviews of Movies that Suck)

All That Jazz (Reviews of Movies that Suck)
All that Jazz 1979
Starring: Roy Scheider and Jessica Lang
Directed by: Bob Fosse
Plot: Director/choreographer Bob Fosse tells his own life story (fucking show off) as he details the sordid life of Joe Gideon (Roy Scheider), a womanizing, drug-using dancer.
4.5 star rating at

Critique: This is perhaps not a fair movie for me to play critic to, as I despise musicals. Alright, so it is not a musical in the classical sense of the genre, it has it’s “Musical” moments.
I thought I would go into this with an open mind, as I do tend to enjoy movies that are of the more bizarre flavor, and have even written positive reviews for The Rocky Horror Picture Show.. and it had music.. and I liked Brazil.. and you don't get much stranger than Brazil

I also like tragedies, in the classical Shakespearian sense of the word, and this movie is a tragedy.

So it is a tragedy, that has bizarre surreal qualities, and okay it has some music too, sounds like I may just enjoy it… I did not.

First, the acting.. Roy Scheider can act.. I think he forgot how to just for this movie. Jessica Lang may have been trying to portray a drug addled moron. If so she pulled it off, but I don’t think that was her intention so again.. bad acting.

The funniest part of all of this, is I have spent time around people in the “theater” and they really do act a lot like the characters in this movie.. so you would think it would be easy for the actors to portray their contemporaries.. but no.. the lines felt forced, and at best canned. Emotions were portrayed with only the minimum required to let you know the character had any “feelings” at all, and at times they were counter to the plot line.

Scene sample: Young Dancer Female in Roy Scheider’s apartment:
YD: I wanna be a movie star. Do you think I have what it takes.
RS: No.
YD: (runs to couch hides face in too theatrical a style) Mutters “and I am not a very good dancer either”
RS: No, but I can make you one.
YD: (smiling through tears) You wanna go to bed?
RS: Yes
YD: Walks up stairs removes shit in shot.
(fade to next scene)

Okay the boobs were plentiful, but most of them were perhaps 6 on the 10 scale boobs.
The one time that they had a extremely good looking topless girl the shot was smoked and the lighting was “mysterious” so as not to give you a full on look.. WTF!

All in all, it was bizarre , it tried too freaking hard to be artsy, in all the wrong spots, and there were big production numbers in the middle of what could have been a cool death / hallucination scene.. what a crock o’ crap.

This proves that in the late 70’s you had to be a real wanker to be on the Academy’s nomination committee.
It’s no wonder the rest of the country voted Regan into power.

Oh yea, and the editing sucked too!

On a scale of one to ten (on the suck o’ meter) this turkey pulls an 8.5.

10 being things that suck as much as say plague.

I’ll continue to take my theatrically sung lines, from a transvestite from outer space thank you.

And that’s my Review of All That Jazz..
I’m Sickskull reporting.

oh PS. I now wish that the shark in Jaws had eaten Roy Scheider before he could have made this abortion of a movie.


NixEclips said...

Ok, you Go-Tard. I'm back in the 'Lou. And I just read your review. Pretty nicely done. And very vehmenent. Jesus, man! Take your fucking valium! And it's "Scheider" not "Snider". I let it slide the first time, but when you repeated yourself, I had to question your sanity, once again. I mean, you liked Darkness fucking Falls. What the hell is wrong with you??? heheheh

Anyway. I'm only in town for one day, but I'll see if I can get mine in asap.

Nix says: Rocky Horror is fun even in your living room. But avoid the "sequel" like the plague.

DelorumRex said...

well shieder, shindler, Snyder.. he would make fine fish food.. fucker!