Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The continuing saga of Duke Lacrosse Part Fix The Fix is in.

As now made famous(er) by the posting here. Thanks Fisher WY
The continuing saga of Duke Lacrosse Private Eye continues..

Part Fix
The Fix is in.

I raced for the Hotel Royal at top speed. Which considering it was nine in the morning, and Rush hour was in full effect was about 12 miles per hour.
The whole time flashes of the past evenings events ran through my mind.
Wednesday looking sexier than I had ever seen her.. (mental note look into Collagen injections for Wednesday , her birthday is coming up.. aw shit Tuesday was her birthday.. no wonder she’s sore)

Okay, no problem collagen, and an all expense paid trip to Hedonism II and she’ll forgive me.

The look that crossed Tammy’s face, when Edgar being Hung? Was that fear? Was it delight? Was it that look a gal gets just before sinking her teeth into a pillow? Yep that was it!
There must be a new tape, a all Tammy All Anal All the Time Tape?
Or maybe those were just the lyrics of that new Potatoebabies song? I was still mildly confused and dazed by Wednesday’s nipple knock out drops.

I pulled into the Hotel Royal just in time to see Hung and a black super model named Ebonay run to a waiting Bentley and skidder out into traffic..

“FUCK FUCK FUCK” I yelled aloud, knowing full well my little 5 window coupe would never catch them in this traffic. Also realizing that I could easily catch up to them on foot, in this traffic, I decided that I would much rather go see if I could find Wednesday and Tammy than exhert myself this early in the morning, and before my first Bourbon.

So up to the desk of the Hotel Royal I strode, this place looked right at home in a bad 1940's gangster movie, but what in this story doesn’t? I rang the bell and no sooner than the ringing stopped a fat man in a too tight red velvet suit stuck his head out of the back office..
“Um, what can I do you for” he said in a voice as cliché’ as that cliché’.

“I am looking for a gal, a small Asian gal with a pert little set of”. (had I said too much? I thought, not completing my description)

“Ahh who aint?.”said the fat man a big greasy chicken eating grin overcoming his big greasy chicken eating face. “You’re looking for them dames in 69.”

“Who ain’t looking for a pair of dames in 69” I thought.. “Yea that’s them” I said.

“They ain’t here no more, But if your names is LaRue I got something for ya.” Said the fat man as he walked back to his office.

“Le Rue, well that’s a new one” I thought” Usually I get called Dick or Duck, fucked up my last name that’s a new one… fat bastard”

The fat man brought out in his fat hands a note, covered in chicken grease, and Wednesdays chicken scratch.. I knew her hand writing anywhere, that bimbo could’a been a doctor, until she met me.. the chicken grease was from the fat man, but for a moment I imagined it was Vasalene and I wasn’t the only one that got “The Treatment” last night..

“Anything else bub?” I said to the fat man.

“Nope, just the note” he said and walked back to his 12 piece bucket.

On the outside of the improvised envelope the note was in it said “To Dick LaRue”
Wednesday.. I thought.. I gotta pay somone to smack her a good one.
I opened the note with a speed born of fear.. and the need to use the john.
It read simply”
Having a great time wish you were here.

“Aww hugs and kisses.. fuckin fruity broad” I thought aloud.. as I tossed the note into the hopper just inside the can in the lobby of the hotel.

I do a lot of my best thinking when I am on the crapper, and this morning was no exception.. Besides solving that whole speed of light speed limit thing, I figured out what it was that Wednesday was trying to tell me in her note.
(to be continued)

Be sure to tune in for part SeX of Duke Lacrosse Private Eye: The Tammy NYP Incident.

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