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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Duke Lacrosse Private Eye.. Part Sex. Six inches more or less. (plus American Idol katharine mcphee Notes)


The continuing sage of Duke Lacross in the Tammy NYP Incident.. has been postponed so that we may bring you the following American Idol

katharine mcphee notes: From a disgruntled viewer.

Dear American Idol You suck.
Dear Judges of American Idol You suck
Dear voters of american Idol You suck
To Katharine McPhee Have my illigitamte babies... please?
All I am askign for is one good nipple slip before you go.. please???

I had thought that we would be pleasantly suprised by Kellie Pickler.. but lets face facts, in the last two weeks she has sucked a big fat one. ( I predict she goes home).. she will still have a brilliant country music carreer, and if I am lucky mother two or three of my kids before she finds out i am old fat bald amd married.

Katharine McPhee has done well.. the judges did not like her, but for fuck's sake we all know at least one of the judges is drunk, stonned or out of her fucking mind koo-koo so that leaves the black guy and the arsehole.. who are you going to turn to.. well K turn to me.. let big daddy D help you through these harrowing times.

Sure I had a thing with Kellie Pickler, cause Like the Beatles sang.. "She's got a pickle to ride.. she's got a pickle to ri-hi-hide she's got a pickle to ride, an' she don' care.. my baby don' care.. "
But I digress..
Anyway, I am happy to see that the number of American Idol posts noted by technorati is at an all time low.. perhpas America is getting wiser. (But I fuckin doubt it)

Hell writing that lame assed Duke Lacross Private Eye stuff is more entertaing.. than watching that painfull excuse of a talent show.. wouldn't we all just kill for a bit of the old Star Search right about now. (Or is that a bit of the old in-out in-out? I can never remember which is which.. my balzac looks so much like Ed McMahon.
anyway, I am done with my little tyrade, so back to your regularl programing..

Duke Lacrosse Part Sex.. Six Inches more or Less.

Yea, I knew what Wednesday was trying to tell me.. She was at the XX Theator on LaRue Street with the three O faced fuck sticks I had been chasing all night.. or was that day? I can;t keep them straight.. and she is wanting me to meet them there.

I drove as fast as my ol' '39 would take me.. (again about 17 MPH.. fucking downtown traffic)
And inside of 35 minutes I had traveld the 3 blocks to teh LaRue Street XXX Theator and Live Adult Entertainment Palace.
(Lefty for the plug that will cost you a fiver)

I jumped form my car before it had completely stopped which is a damn dumb thing to do with suicide doors, knocked me clean on my keester..
That's when the bullet tore through the padded leather work of the door, missed my head by 6 inches more or less. (WHat did you people think the title was about?? Fuckin perverts!)

I tucked and rolled, just like my apholstry had been .. bastard.. and stood in the ready stance to pop off a few from my heater back at the son-of-a-bitch that had just ruined $35 worth of leatherette on my door.
But there was nobody there.. just an open door, .. open as if begging me to enter.. open and ready for me.. somehow this made me think of Tammy's legs?

Then I though of Wednesday's nipple drops, and cleared my head again.
"You better be careful this time you old dick" I said to myself. (And to my old dick)

Slowly I entered.. being that it was ony 10 Am, the place was only half full of perverts whinos and priests.. it was an easy stroll to the front of the theator.. this was the live show side, and two well oiled midgets were having there way with a 600 pound samoan woman up on the stage..
I stood back to the stage looking out over the half sea of perverts and priests.. and called. "Tammy , Edgar, Ebony.. I know your in here!"
The only sound I heard was that creepy semi-claping sound that your balls make when your are jerking too hard.. then one tall Japanese man in front said 'Sit down.. your spoiling the show...Well I wasn't sittin for anyone doing that poor of a Charlie Chan impersonation. When I hard the click of a .45 colt semi auto from behind me..
"Don;t move" came the steely voice of Edgar..
It seems he had been hiding with his .45 in one of the Samoan woman's fat rolls..
"I ain't moving nowhere Edgar" I said.. thinking how I could best move to avoid takin one in the knoggen.

"remove your clothes" Duke.. This time it was the voice of Tammy
Not being one to upset a lady I dropped my drawers, and ripped my shirt off.. yes friend there I stood, in my socks, and a fedora..

"Turn around , let momma get a good look at ya".. it was Ebony sweet and sultry sounding..
"Only if Edgar ain't gonna get an itchy finger" I said..
"Oh he ain't," said Ebony.

"No I don't like finger man.. I finger Tammy and that's about it" said Edgar..
I turned to face them.. there on the stage..
The midgets and fat lady were just finising up.. and the fat lady had begin to sing with orgasmic delight.. from where I stood it looked like one midget was fucking her with the other smaller midget.. now that's getting into your work I thought... Only that little bastard's feet were sticking out.. and the other midget, was laughing and pumping him in and out by his ankles...
The fat lady sang...
(And of course when the fat lady sings.. it's all over....)
So concludes part six of Duke Lacrosse.. Private Eye..
Tune in Tomarrow, or the next day for episode seven.. the "as yet to be named episode"..
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